It’s another day, my friends (the plural in the hopes that more than one person will be reading this). Pastor Lou, as his last day as our pastor at CCF said we ought to ask each morning, “Lord, what exciting new things will you show me to do today?” For me that is a pretty new concept, being happy and ready to face each day. Yet in James it says, “Consider it pure joy when faced with trial of every kind.” If every day is meant to be a trial, God has a reason for that. I daily fail to live this truth, yet that doesn’t make it any less true.
Indeed, this is in accordance with my resolve that when I reached Worcester (and here I am), I would find one beautiful thing every day, no matter what it is. To this end I have seen peaceful green spaces across from our apartment, happy people laughing together, beautifully maintained 100-year-old houses, and one picture of a By-the-Wind Sailor I have to say that I still feel that is the best thing that’s happened to me this whole month.
Another great thing that happened this month is my new $305 17″ flatscreen monitor. Just got it today. Holy cow, this new monitor is huge. I was having some issues, but when I switched it to highest 75 Hz and highest resolution it’s HOT. Except the dual monitor thing is a bit of an issue, since my other one can’t handle such performance. It’s still my baby, of course, been with me since the beginning… I guess I’ll just have to wait for my in-house tech help (read: Ian). Eric asked why we spent that much when my other monitor is perfect… All I could say was, “I’ve been wanting it since I got this video card, and we had the chance to buy it.” Happily he accepted that explanation and we moved on. I have to say, this monitor really does make my rather mediocre day. I was disappointed as usual to find that none of my “friends” were around, though I left a message on their whiteboard suggesting we hang out. Oh well… this is something I’m struggling with right now, and it won’t seem to resolve itself. Speaking of “resolve itself,” our comments link has randomly decided to konk out. If you have comments I’d suggest email, as it’s very reliable.
For me that has been the worst part of being married so far. I love Ian, and it’s absolutely the best thing to be married to him – but being away from Clark with no reliable transportation but my own feet is wreaking havoc on my other relationships. I desire to spend as much time as I can with them, but they seem so busy, and though I’m not there’s not much I can do. I can’t spend all day at Clark alone waiting to see them (though I have); I can’t walk over at night when they might be avaliable; Kristin isn’t interested in risking her virginity or at least wallet in driving over to WPI alone; I don’t know what other options I have. After a while I start feeling like they don’t care (probably not true), because if they did they would be willing to put some effort into maintaining our relationship. I don’t see much of that happening on their side… I’m sorry to say that after a while I start feeling bitter – and then I wonder why I should even try to maintain such relationships. I get depressed, lonely, and very apathetic about maintaining any relationships at all. In fact, I ask myself why I should even go to Clark if I only know 3 or 4 people there and the school doesn’t really have my desired major (journalism) anyway. Sometimes life seems so strange.
I now realize I’ve written not a blog but a biography. So to that end, I shall stop talking.
– KF –