This story will be hard to believe, but it is true (also a little outdated). When Ian was a Freshman in college, we decided to allow him for the first time to participate in one of my family’s huge-production Murder Mysteries. This involves lots of preparation, and in Ian’s case, a leather briefcase.

We searched high and low for the perfect used brief case, and along th way we found ourselves at a thrift shop near his house. Now, bear in mind this is nice, quiet Kirkland, were not much exciting happens. We looked around and found a belt he could use, but no brief case.

At the cash register was a biker-looking guy in a black sleeves-cut-off Harley shirt; he served an oldish lady with dyed hair wearing a polyester outfit. An uncomfortable oldish man hovered outside or nearby. Her transaction seemed to take an awfully long time, and when we finally looked at her purchases, we saw why. Everything she was buying was lacey or satin – all undergarments. Huge, enormous, plus-sized used satin underwear and bras, and in prodigious quantities! We were suitably embarrassed, averting our eyes and trying to smother our incredulous snickers.

Then the worst possible thing happened: She didn’t have enough money. We stood and waited as her poor, embarrassed husband came back from outside, sheepishly pulled out his wallet, and paid for her exceedingly strange purchase. The total was somewhere around $70, and at that point Ian and I were completely astounded. All sorts of questions popped into our heads, ones we didn’t really want answered – most pressingly, Why such a huge volume? We hardly knew how to react, so we took the safest course of action and acted quite normal while in the store…and as soon as we got out to the car started laughing hysterically for lack of anything better to do.

That is the end of my story; it’s been a great walk down memory lane. Hope I never visit that particular lane again!

– KF –

4 thoughts on “Used Skanky Underwear

  1. Your whole story is that you laughed at old people buying underwear? Remind me to follow you into a pharmacy when you’re 45 and laugh as you buy tampons.

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