…to close the window when the temperature inside your room is 55 degrees F and the outside temperature is 43. Makes taking a shower feel awfully nice and warm though. I fear that this winter our room will become a cave, with no fresh air and – when it snows – little light penetrating. I shudder to think of our future power bills.

One more day of classes and Clark takes its random 4-day “Midterm break.” Actually I’m unsure of the duration of this break as it appears to be marked as a weekend and 2 days (stingy of Clark when WPI students get 10 days off)… Also, I don’t feel it’s much of a break when all of my classes have exams immediately thereafter. Why do they do this? BCS used to have lots of tests after Christmas break, and you get the feeling that teachers liked to give people time to “study” – i.e., forget all they learned. I am dismayed to find that professors here follow that same policy.

I’m beginning a New Advisor Search again, figuring that I need an advisor to sign up for this spring’s classes. If I actually am going to take classes this spring. I have looked over the Au Sable Institute’s program and feel that, if I were to do it, I’d prefer the 5 weeks camping in Washington to the Jan-term. It may seem silly, but I’d rather spend as much of Christmas break with Ian as possible, and that would cut it shorter by some 10 or 11 days. Also, I’m rather unsure about my feelings regarding going to Wisconsin in the middle of winter all by myself. For all I try to pretend to be outgoing and brave, I’m really an introvert who’s scared of doing new things.

Coming to Clark was the biggest thing I’ve done on my own, and the fear of it never really hit me. But for instance, job hunting: we all hate it, but I fear it too, in a deep and indescribable way. I would rather drown in my own bile than job hunt… I feel that strongly (terrified) about it. However, one must do what one must, and when I need to I will find a job. It is rather hard to be motivated when there’s always this feeling in the back of my mind that Ian and I don’t really need jobs until we get out of college, but that’s not even true. Where will we get money for food? Rent? Whenever we get a vehicle, its insurance and other costs? General personal upkeep? Our money will only last so long… When that runs out we need experience and an ability to “sell ourselves” to employers. Yuck! I want to read books and write & edit papers for my whole life. Hope springs eternal.

– KF –

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