Today marks the first major bill Ian and I paid as a married couple: the $7,980-odd for next month’s Clark tuition. Of course, the bill should have gone to Kirkland first, and we’re not sure why it came to Ian’s box. Still, paid. Actually we’ve paid $1,000 a month rent for the last 6 months. Also speaking of bills, I got a notice in my mail box today from my insurance company. A few weeks ago I thought I was sick (wrong), but I went to talk to them anyway. Here’s what the bill says: “Your insurance carrier requires the following information for each accident or sickness claim submitted.” Blah blah blah… and then it says, “For: DOS 10/13/03 Billed Amt $7 for UMass Memorial.” What’s going on here? I went to Health Services at Clark and talked to them, peed in a cup, etc. No going to UMass Memorial involved here. The form asks me to explain the nature of my illness, but I was never ill – I never went! Some things in the adult world are just beyond me.

Another thing that’s beyond me: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Lesley, Elizabeth, and I watched it for a while this afternoon. The cut a guy’s hair and shaved off his beard, redecorated his house, bought him new clothes, the works. But here’s my question: if he was negligent enough to let his hair and beard grow really long in the first place, why would a one-day makeover make a difference? And OK, his walls are painted pretty colors now – by a gay guy, OK, so that’s a little cool – but will all the wood keep shining like there’s no tomorrow? Keeping up a house takes work (darn it all), and who’s going to polish all that wood all the time? The show amused us though, as did making snide remarks about the ads on TV. I have got to say: ads are terrible. Not just in the time-wasting aspect although that’s bad – but I mean the actual ads themselves. Why should seeing a random guy jump into an aquarium, swim around, and have a fish pulled out of his pocket make you go to Atlantis? Or the annoying guy shouting about the value of the OxyClean set he’s willing to give you for ONLY $19.99! VALUE OF $35.00! The list keeps going. Some of them are completely incomprehensible, and none of them make me want to buy that product (although I will admit the Ebay ads are amusing. Scary, but amusing).

Mom sent us a package in the mail, which we finally received. Disappointingly, it contained no food, but she had stuffed the box full of new clothes. Pyjamas, specifically. For me: red fuzzy stuff. Red is not my color at all, but they are pyjamas (I never have been clear on how to spell that word) after all. For Ian however… she bought red hot chili pepper PJ pants. I laughed so hard I cried when Ian told me what she’d sent. It’s great when moms just come through like that. Like the Christmas she gave me dried food, underwear, and stamps. As I recall, however, we gave her the Dave Barry Gift Guide book, which included 1 lb of real human fat shaped into a nice pudding with 1 LB on top, as well as a plethora of other wonderful gifts (think beer bottle slippers that made farting noises when you took a step). So all in all that Christmas felt quite even. I’m not sure what to do about the chili pepper pants though.

Also, a question: I have my margin for this blog set at 2.7% and it keeps bringing up a bottom scroll bar, which I don’t want. It’s at 2.7% because the scrollbar appeared at 3.0% but didn’t at 2.7% – so I just left it. Then it appeared at 2.7 so I took it down to 2.0% – and the bar stayed! Now I’m wondering a) what the heck would cause this; and b) can I just disable the bottom scroll bar somehow?

– KF –

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