“When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot has held fast to His steps; I have kept his way and not turned aside.”
No deep thoughts yet today. Last night I had a talk with a friend, and she told me pretty much point-blank that I really needed to make a point of getting friends. I am terrible at reaching out to people even when the pain of being alone feels like it’s killing me, and she told me that was something I need to focus on. I know that Ian can’t be the only person in my life, and he isn’t, but I have such a hard time expanding out from the few people I have. As time goes by friends slip away, but I seem to fail at making new ones. If God gives me opportunities, I just seem to miss them; then again, few opportunities will come traipsing in to the apartment and that’s where I spend most of my time. The whole thing of friends is so difficult, though, because frankly it’s awkward and scary; I’m terrible with people and end up looking like an idiot more times than not. Stepping out on a limb is scary, but more than that – what limb do I step out on to? Class isn’t the place to make relationships that are at all out of class and I’m not at all motivated to involve myself in college “activities.” If there was a walking club, or a book club, that would be something… Or if I was braver, more gregarious, and likeable, that might help too. Too bad I can’t get friends like you would a dining room table: “Wanted: good friends, trustworthy, good sense of humor, preferably Christian, willing to go out of way for others. Contact Katie at (508) 963-4783.”
Today I did make a point of, when I saw Kristin online, asking if she was busy. We got to hang out some, catch up a little bit, and she fed me (yay!) so overall that went well. Also I got to be moral support to her first ever visit to Health Services, and since I was just there yesterday – I’m a pro, especially with “girl trouble” type things. Clark food, incidentally, is getting ridiculously good. Then again, when it’s a do-it-yourself baked potato you’re eating, what could go wrong? I’m going to see Jos tomorrow, too, and I put in a call to Ernie. Part of my change will be to not just let my old friendships slide any more.
Also last night Deborah called! Welcome back home, FiL & MiL! Hopefully the jet-lag won’t hit too hard, but then New Zealand is on the other side of the world. I realized that when I visit Ian in London we’ll be there just long enough for me to adjust to the five additional hours, then return so he and I can both be horribly jet-lagged. And I have a midterm shortly thereafter. This is getting random, and I have to catch my shuttle anyways, so I’ll stop now.
– KF –
25 days to my Ian