Today I got an envelope full of mail from Deborah. Only one piece of the mail was for me, but I’d like to share it with you because it was so perfectly fantastic.
Your initial impression of the envelope is that it’s official. The font on the return address, the “Please Verify Contents,” everything says OFFICIAL. Well, you open the envelope and you see a blue 1/3-sheet of paper bearing the inscription “Imperial Majesty: Ramada’s Preferred Cruise Line” on it. Open that up, and you find a check for $1,600! It even has lines on the back to sign it away. Oh, it’s only valid for a cruise package? Well, OK, but it says “Enjoy Your Vacation!” in handwriting on the “For:” line, and Dan Lambert signed it, so it must be real. Then you notice that there’s another 1/3 of a sheet in there, and it says “Boarding Voucher” and boy does it look official – right name and address, lots of little thingydoodles on it… Basically, woah. Then you look at the other sheet, and it begins “This Official Registered Document confirms…” and looks like it’s been highlighted. Additionally, Dan Lambert “signed” it again, and checked some Toll Free Number. I’m so glad my “Fiscal history has earned me this $1,600.00 travel voucher.” I really feel the urge to call Toll Free 1-800-570-9973 in the next 72 hours. Really. The final sheet you see is a brochure for Florida’s glories. I, too, can go-go dance on a golf course, or sit in an uncomfortably short-skirted dress in a faux-leather booth next to a man whose chin appears nearly nonexistant; I could wear ugly clothes and gape wide-eyed at the marvels of Universal Studios, where “smiles are contagious.” And honestly…who wouldn’t want to? Overall you get the feeling that you’ve won an awesome cruise worth $1,600.00 just for being Fiscally Responsible, so the moral of the story is: Be Responsible and Always Call All Toll Free Numbers!
– KF –
2 weeks 4 days