“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Cor. 13:7
This will be a depressing blog, but not because I’m always feeling this way. Life’s actually going pretty well. It’s just that… I’ve spent hours online talking to Ian and now suddenly I realized how tired I am of Instant Messaging. It’s stupid, it’s lame, it’s awful, and it’s the only way we can get anything like a personal interaction between us right now. I feel so lonely even when I’m with people because for however nice that person is, they can’t be Ian. And all I want is to be with Ian again, not to see Powell0 say I love you online but to hear my husband’s voice, see his face, feel his touch. It feels like it’s been too long. For all the that’s coming out of it, there’s so much pain. I don’t feel it so much anymore, but sometimes I just break down and cry, maybe holding Dogbert and rocking back and forth. I’m happy with friends, but can’t feel content without Ian. I have a good time with friends, but… but… there’s nobody here I can talk to about this. They look at me blankly, worried about their own boyfriends and school and lives. Thankfully I know that every day I am held in my Father’s hands, surrounded by His love, which is deeper and more enduring even than that between me and my husband. But oh, if only these two weeks would end! I’m glad I don’t feel this often, and that it’s less now than before. Now there’s pain tinged with impatience, not with resignation.
I’m feeling better. Nothing makes me miss him less, but patience and equilibrium can be restored. Especially through exchanges like this:
Powell0: my sweet darling wife
Powell0: love of my life
Powell0: who doesn’t attack my iwth a knife
kfergos: Was it the typos that made that incomprehensible or was it the content?
– KF –
2 weeks 3 days