“Do not be worried about your life… Who of you, by being worried, can add a single hour to his life? So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matt. 6:25, 33 – 34
[Title kudos go to D.L. Rosenhan’s “On Being Sane in Insane Places”]
God has a marvelous way of speaking to the true listener when need arises. I read the above verses and felt instantly convicted, for I’ve been worrying a huge amount lately. My application and hopeful admission to WPI has weighed on my mind especially after receiving an email from the Dean of Transfer Admissions. He needs to know I’ve taken Precalc at the very least, and I think Math Analysis at BCS counts; but if it doesn’t, to get into WPI I need to take Calculus over the summer. I keep castigating myself for not taking Precalc this semester: Math 113 is a lead-in to it, and I certainly could have taken the placement exam easily enough. Plus, it would have filled my FA and I could have avoided Analytic Reasoning. At the time, though, I didn’t know I’d desire to get into WPI with its Calc requirement. Taking Calc, or even Precalc, at BCC over the summer is hardly the end of the world, but I’ve been exceedingly worried about it. Also, Ian and I botched our only house-sitting inquiry (quoted too high of rates; we were just guessing). That’s bothered me, since it would have been better to live there and do the work for free…
But as for those: I’ve done what I can, and I did what seemed best at the time. Now is today; tomorrow will take care of itself. I cannot, by worrying, change anything at all except my own self – for the worse. When I need to take action, I’ll know and do what I can. Until that time of action, worrying is not trusting that God is guiding my life. He cares for sparrows and the flowers of the field and will surely care for me as well.
This was my frame of mind when I reached into my pocket to put my phone on vibrate for class. To my dismay, the phone was gone, my pocket occupied only by the two pens I’d put there. PANIC! ACK! DANGER! EEK! I felt positive the phone went into my pocket this morning as it always does, but I’d just missed it coming out somehow. Well, naturally my initial reaction was one of intense horror, and somewhat to my surprise, a feeling of disconnectedness overcame me quickly. That’s a funny thing about leashes: as Red says in Shawshank Redeption, “These walls are kind of funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them.” Initial panic was overcome, however, by a sense of extreme peace blended with irony. God is good, God is powerful, and God has a tremendous sense of timing. I needed to hear not to worry earlier, and to emphasize the point I was given the perfect opportunity to worry.
Then we got a letter saying that, because we hadn’t been paying for it, our gas would be turned off in 10 days. Uh-oh. Our apartment is odd, but I ascertained that the gas heating is solely responsible for heating the living room, kitchen, and Eric’s room: all our deal, basically. So we now have an account with them and will be back-billed for this whole time that we haven’t paid… And my honesty compelled me to say when we’d moved in truthfully, not that we’d moved in a month ago.
Everybody does have so much to worry about, but you know what? Doing what you can and then letting it go is difficult, but it’s the right thing to do in the end.
Final day’s event: in Analytic Reasoning we had to write short essays in favor of or against gay marriage. After much debate and an emergency call to Deborah (who told me exactly what I needed to hear, though it wasn’t easy to act on her advice), I wrote one against same sex marriage. I knew most of the class would write in favor of it, that being how Clark is; but after not speaking out against abortion in Personal Values last year (and regretting it ever since), I know that I have to stand up for what I believe. Prof. Carlson had us raise our hands: “Who wrote in favor of SSM?” Vast majority of the class raises its hand. “Who wrote against it?” Four or five people raise their hands tentatively; I was among them. A girl booed loudly, then laughed. I offered part of my argument to the class as well, and though my hands sweated so I could barely hold my pen. But you know what? It was worth it: “If the light that is in you is darnkess, how great is the darkness!” (Matt. 6:23b) I will NOT be darkened. Happy Ash Wednesday.
“Put a hacker in a room with a Furby for a weekend and you’ll hear a conversation that’s fairly one-sided in its originality. Toss in an 802.11b network card, a soldering iron, wire cutters, a logic probe, and a few other carefully selected tools and materials and you’ll have potential.”
– KF –
1 week 3 days