He must increase, but I must decrease.
A rough trip starting with getting up at 5 am and involving passing through high-security checks (rifling through my checked baggage, a full-body wand scan, prying through my carry-ons, stamping my boarding pass, and having my name called at the terminal just to be sure I had that stamp), severe nausea on the plane, and ridiculously mixed messages at the baggage claim in Boston finally brought us to our apartment again. Thank goodness Luke got here first and thoughtfully made us turkey burgers. We exchanged gifts and unpacked and as I folded PJ pants it struck me.
I am back in Worcester again, and I do not like it one bit.
Snow has fallen, a winter storm watch was announced as we shuttled back, classes start on Thursday, and I am panicking wondering why I’m doing any of this. Somehow the school seems so unimportant – so totally stupid and pointless – I ask myself why I pay to suffer through the flying and the constant parting from my family (both of which just get worse every time). Surely an answer will come to me, some reason besides “It’s what people your age and class do.” I couldn’t even respond to the dentist’s polite inquiries as to what a Technical Communications major might do after getting the BS. I wish I could see my future more solidly, but it just hazes out in all directions, nebulous and confusing and making me want to crawl back home to cuddle with the dog… But everything will work out, because God is in control.
– KF –