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Day’s Verse:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age…

Titus 2:11-12

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This is the only picture of Carmel dashing that turned out, probably because the snow slowed her down enough to give me a chance to react.

Going to church today made me really miss, and appreciate, the church we have at home. I take it for granted that we will sing songs written after 1975 – not that songs from before then are bad! Hymns have their appeal, after all – and the preacing… Well, I always appreciated Pastor Morris’s preaching at WAC, but Pastor Pat here makes me appreciate Crossroads’s pastor, too.

Maybe I just miss the subversive struggle for the cartoons in the morning, or sitting with my family amongst a sea of strangers, or something else more intangible. But although this Sunday marks my one year attendance at First Alliance (see last year’s post for my initial analysis), I just cannot feel part of it. They seem so friendly, but when you try to get to know them they just aren’t there. Although churches should be a place of comfort and healing, I never feel all that comfortable there – maybe they work too hard to keep us, their token two college students. There is nobody our age or in our situation; everybody comes from such a rough background and everybody carries so many secret, silent pains with them that I feel both shallow and overpriviliged…and too liberal. At the same time they sound so intolerant: In the car today they were saying how “popular” (as if such a thing could be popular!) cutting yourself was, and how could anybody think, what could possibly make somebody want to do such a thing? Inconcievable, they seemed to say, how completely stupid… And there I sat, having been a cutter and knowing what could drive a person to that, feeling both judged and nonexistant. But I failed to make my mouth move to explain because, well, who knows what reaction that might produce?

– KF –

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