They came to the house of the synagogue official;
and He saw a commotion, and people loudly weeping and wailing.
And entering in, He said to them, “Why make a commotion and weep? The child has not died, but is asleep.”
Me: “The mailroom sent me an email that I had a package, but I couldn’t print the email out.”
Scary Mailroom Lady: “The email said if you can’t print it out, you need to tell me whether it’s on the shelf, in the office, or on its way to Equatorial Guinea.”
Me: “But it didn’t—”
Scary Mailroom Lady: “Shut up, it did.”
[For reference, this is the exact email they sent me, in its entirety:
Your Package Has Arrived!
From…………..: DISTRIBUTION SERVICES
To…………….: FERGUSON, KATHLEEN
Box # …………: XXXX
Tracking Number…: 1Z99V5500300047184
Carrier………..: United Parcel Service
Date/Time Received: 8/26/2005 XXXX
Package Location : OFFICE
STUDENT MUST PRESENT I.D. CARD!
PRINTED COPY OF THIS EMAIL WILL EXPEDITE
PACKAGE PICKUP. IF PACKAGE IS NOT PICKED UP
WITHIN 10 DAYS, IT WILL BE RETURNED TO SENDER.]
Me: “But I can see it right there, filed in the F cubbyhole. Number XXXX.”
Scary Mailroom Lady: “My evil plot has failed! I will have to give you your package after emitting an alarming amount of smoke from my ears and scanning your ugly new ID three times.”