If you say, “See, we did not know this,”
Does He not consider it who weighs the hearts?
And does He not know it who keeps your soul?
And will He not render to man according to his work?
For farewell, I took a vote among the girls. They wanted twice baked potatoes, muddy buddies, and salad. So I spent four hours yesterday cooking with Darren, washing, stabbing and baking potatoes; grating cheese; steaming broccoli; cooking bacon and cubing ham; double boiling chocolate, peanut butter, and margarine; mixing Chex and chocolate; shaking powdered sugar and chocolate-covered Chex in bags; gutting, mixing, and re-stuffing potatoes; washing and ripping lettuce; and most of all, defending the cooling muddy buddies against a particular hungry young husband. We set the table, mentally counted heads, got out glasses, silverware, and all the necessary items.
When they came it worked perfectly. I’d taken the potatoes out of the oven a moment before, and they cooled to just the right temperature as we ate our salads. We had just the right amount of lettuce, exactly one extra potato, and precisely nine yogurt containers full of muddy buddies — and though ten people ate, one didn’t want any muddy buddies (can you imagine?!). They stayed for two hours and we ate and talked and the whole time my heart slowly broke.
I get the feeling bits of my heart will be chipped off in little pieces for the next month or so as I bid farewell to friends, familiar places and activities, and most of all to a familiar way of life. Nearly 17 years in the education system leaves you institutionalized, relying on the familiar walls of academia and afraid of the outside world. So I unashamedly admit I fear May 20th, the dark and unknown future, the life I’m leaving and the life I’m starting.
And it’s OK, because although the pain will hurt, my fear is not my master. God has ransomed my soul, bought my life with His Son’s blood, and given me confidence beyond any I could hope for on my own. He knows my future, has planned it since before I drew a breath, and I will trust in that assurance.
Update: “Check out Are You a Global Warming Skeptic?” Part I, Part II, and Part III. Very, very interesting. Scientific American editors address many of the concerns commonly raised by people who somehow find the (overwhelming) evidence for global warming insufficient.