It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
“Hey,” I call to my coworker across the aisle, “Do we change our address to Shewsbury on all reports?”
She doesn’t respond, not even a twitch. The MSN article on her monitor continues to scroll steadily. Is she intentionally trying to snub me? Did her mother fail to teach her basic manners?
Au contraire. My coworker is simply exhibiting the most noticeable symptom of the recently-discovered, almost 100% fatal, disease known as iPodosis.
Phase I of iPodosis seem benign: the victim begins to show an interest in obtaining an iPod. They start talking to other surviving victims of iPodosis, discussing pros and cons of specific sub-strains of the disease. They begin drooling at the idea of having an entire music library be portable. They think about how nice it would be to buy a song for $1. They begin using words like “MP3,” “earbud,” and “iTunes” frequently in conversation. My coworker showed these symptoms quite some time ago, but for months never moved into the really serious second stage of iPodosis.
Alas, around Christmastime she succumbed to Phase II, the actual purchase and use of an iPod. This expenditure is usually accompanied by the purchase of a protective covering for the disease, an unwillingness to part from the disease for more than two minutes at a time, and the inability to speak without at least one earbud in. Often Phase II also involves additional symptoms such as the purchase of overpriced Bose docking stations, an obsession with playlists, compulsive MP3 purchasing, overenthusiastic discussion of iPods with other infected persons, and—most hazardous to the small remaining uninfected population—the desire to proselytize. At this point, the victim usually walks around with earbuds plugged in at least eight hours a day.
Many of my coworkers have succumbed to iPodosis. The particular coworker I mentioned has it worst than most; she never takes an earbud out, even during conversation, and frequently attempts to engage in discussions with others about her currently-playing music (we try to deflect this with polite shut-down responses and frequent hand-washing). This disease, which has infected at least 80% of the population, remains incurable. Once contracted, healthcare professionals can only help the victim treat symptoms to keep them at a manageable level.