…so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts.
1 Thess. 2:4
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Dear Winged Insects,
What do you find so magnetically attractive about my ears, nose, mouth, and eyes? Why must hordes, legions, multitudes of you throw yourself endlessly against my sunblock-slathered arms and legs? What compels you to fly into my unzipped jersey? Why must you come and buzz inside my ears, bombard my face, flit into my mouth? Surely you have mistaken me for some delightful flower or honeyed tidbit, and find my facial orifices a terrible disappointment when you actually arrive in them. Those of you who perish stuck to my arms and legs, who I inadvertently swallow, who I swat in an attempt to clear my face — surely they must feel dismayed, to say the least, at their mistake.
I suggest a mutually beneficial business proposition: You stay away from me, and I will refrain from squishing or swallowing any of you. The benefit for you is that you stay alive. The benefit for me is that I don’t eat any more bugs.
Please consider this proposition and get back to me.