“The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least?'”
I keep opening up a new blog post and then sitting there with my mind as blank as the screen. Since the Zillah training, I haven’t had anything noteworthy happen. I haven’t even thought anything noteworthy, really. Right now I mix and match the following components into an average day:
- Read a book.
- Go for a bike ride.
- Stretch my back.
- Prepare and/or eat food.
- Take a nap.
- Do chores inside (if rainy) or outside (if not rainy)
- Surf the web and/or talk to Ian online.
For variety, I may do errands on my bike, walk down and meet Ian for his walk home from the Totem Lake Transit Center, meet up with a friend, go in to Seattle for a BAW meeting, or have an appointment. For example, yesterday Deborah came over and we weeded and planted strawberry plants in our raised bed. That’s about as interesting as it gets for me right now. After the excitement of teaching bike classes, I’m feeling let down and glum. But there seems to be some kind of lowest energy state that I tend towards (in my case, reading books and taking naps), and it takes a lot of energy to jump up to the next level (i.e., starting my own bike classes).
I need to take real action toward teaching my own bike classes, but every time I start to think about it, I get anxious and overwhelmed and shy away from it. Time to steel myself and take the plunge. Otherwise I’ll just stay in this 1s orbital forever, feeling unhappy but not changing anything.