From the Mouths of Preschoolers

This evening, Benji decorated my small bedside table clock with new orange ear plugs in an oddly creepy, pointy pattern. Then we had the following conversation:

Me: What’s with my clock?
Benji: It’s an alien mind control robot!
Me: *Speechless*
Ian: I didn’t know that!
Benji: Well, you learn something new every day.

And really, what could we say to that?

Sometimes having kids reminds me of having a recording device put around the house that records what I say, and then randomly spouts back phrases at quasi-random, almost-logical intervals. This can be alarming or hilarious, depending.

Benji did chastise me the other day when, in a moment of frustration, I said something like “this stupid thing won’t do what I want.” He immediately replied, “Don’t say ‘stupid!’ You say ‘stupid’ a lot.” Guilty, guilty, guilty. I guess at least I didn’t say “This stupid f*ing piece of sh*t won’t do what I want!” –which, let’s be honest, is what may be going through my mind at that moment. The filter isn’t perfect but at least it’s somewhat there. Gives me something to keep working on.

Also, on another sillier note, earlier today, Benji was pretending to be a koala while playing with Ian. Benji announced, “I’m crawling around. No, I’m KOALA-ing around!” Commence the punning.

I think I need to write more of these down. Our best days are chock-a-block with these kinds of conversations. My favorite ones involve him explaining a concept to me, like this:

Me: Why is Venus so yellowy?
Benji: Because Venus has all these clouds around it so it’s really super hot. The hot is yellow. Like the sun is really hot, and it’s yellow.

Maybe I could farm him out to a fake news site. Those usually start with some grain of truth and then go somewhere crazy, right? Sounds like the perfect job for a bunch of preschoolers.