Future Planning

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care — then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. -Philippians 2:1-4

Even wiping away the overtly Christian wording, I feel this verse speaks to so much of what’s tearing our society apart: the being obsessed with getting ahead, the not loving others who are different, the constantly thinking about self so there’s no room for others. What if caring for people came first?

… Insert clever transition here…

The last couple days my jaw has been so sore I can barely open my mouth, and I have been having really disturbed sleep and anxious dreams. If you asked how I’m doing, I’d say fine — but clearly my subconscious seems to be telling me otherwise.

What’s going on? Well, my work is in a fairly quiet place, with deadlines under control. My marriage seems stable, my kid is normal… At least, as normal as you can expect from us. Ian’s work is going through a wild transition, but we can weather whatever happens there.

I think it’s the summer. School gets out on 5/23, and doesn’t resume until 9/7 (or so; a couple days after Labor Day). That’s 16 weeks my kid needs care from 8 am too 4 pm, and there’s no daycare this year.

I’ve started planning, and it ain’t pretty. I’m having to patchwork together a nasty mess of care, one day or week at a time, for 16 weeks. It’s supremely anxiety-inducing and showcases pretty much the worst of being the family scheduler.

Result? Not only will we be using up all the good will of our childcare volunteers, but the kid will be spending most of his summer at the all-day Y summer camp (assuming I can get signed up).

And, on top of all that, it brings to the surface all my guilt about being a working mom. That’s basically a whole nother blog post, so I’m going to leave it there for now. But definitely more on this later.

Meantime, I’m hoping my jaw muscle will relax enough that eating is possible. We can hope.

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