Accomplish all the things

Although only a week and half has elapsed since my last post, it feels like I’ve lived at least couple years.

Let’s start with the easy stuff: work. I completed a project that I’d timeboxed to two weeks, then immediately demoed it for a variety of very high-up people. No pressure! But don’t worry, I’ve got another major project lined up right behind it, so I won’t be tempted to rest on my laurels.

I work best when I have a firm deadline and just a hint more work than I think I can accomplish. It inspires me to rise to the occasion — and, amazingly, somehow everything always works out. Right now I’m in that sweet spot. (I trust this will be the case with my big project; it’s due at the end of the year, which looks terrifyingly close, given how much work I have to do.) Continue Reading >>

Anorexia sneaks back in

I’ve talked here before about my journey with anorexia. As what I’d call a “recovering anorexic,” I’ve enjoyed a number of years of healthy body weight without too much thinking thanks to a nice eating routine that kept matched my caloric output and input pretty well.

But. As I’ve mentioned lately, all routines have gone out the window. That includes eating routines.

Long story short, despite eating an amount that feels right, I’ve lost about 10 pounds over the last month or so. For most people, that’s a welcome result, but for me, I never had 10 pounds to lose. All my clothes fit loosely. My skinny jeans look baggy. Even my bike clothes aren’t as snug as before. Continue Reading >>

I have an apartment

Starting on September 23, I now know where I’ll live for at least the next 11 months: in an apartment complex called the Woodin Creek Village in downtown Woodinville.

I’ve always wanted to live in a small city downtown, so I’m actually pretty excited about this opportunity. It’s fairly easy walking distance to a couple parks, the grocery store, lots of restaurants, stores, and a movie theater, and the Woodinville P&R, where my commuter bus originates. (I had to think about the possibility of some day going back in the office, although that won’t happen until at least January. And let’s be honest; what’re the odds that the pandemic will be better in January? Seriously?) Oh, yeah, and let’s not forget — really close to the bike path. Continue Reading >>

The shape of life

Normally my life is shaped like a circle. Everything repeats on some cycle: daily, weekly, monthly, annually… family life consists of routine and then more routine.

But now I’ve thrown all the routines out the window. We’re renegotiating every single thing, large and small. (I started to list some examples but honestly it really was everything, and I don’t think listing every darn thing in my life is going to be very interesting.) I don’t think I’ve had so much uncertainty in my life since I went to college. Continue Reading >>

Talking about divorce

I keep deleting and rewriting this post, because I don’t want to make it sound like I’m callously walking away from the life Ian and I built, turning my back with nary a twinge. Every time I write something, it comes out sounding like I’m unalloyed happy to be going through this process.

Nothing could be further from the truth: I have good days and bad days. Good days, I optimistically look forward to a future where Ian and I co-parent Benji collaboratively and with goodwill toward each other, but continue growing and pursuing our lives otherwise independently. Bad days, I go for 10 miles of walks and then take a break by going for a long car drive because I’m too restless and anxious from all the change, afraid I’m selfishly pursuing a course that will irreparably damage Benji. Continue Reading >>

Not everything is forever

Let’s cut to the chase: I’m divorcing Ian.

For this post, in the interest of balance and because this topic so deeply impacts both of us, Ian and are each going to share our perspectives.


Now for some context, without getting into unnecessary detail. Despite uncountable hours of marriage and individual therapy, we got to a point where I couldn’t envision living the rest of my life in our marriage. It took me a long time to accept that I needed to take this step, and I’m not doing it because I hate Ian — I don’t. Continue Reading >>