During the one month of dry weather we’ve enjoyed this summer, Ian and I intentionally neglected to water our lawn. We may live in the ‘burbs in a 2,000-square-foot single-family residence; we may own a car and drive it on a regular basis; we may purchase non-local, non-organic foods; we may have a hot tub and firm plans to enjoy it all winter; but we took a stand when it came to watering our lawn. Not only is watering an unconscionable waste of good, potable water that other humans need, but (more selfishly) we’d also have to pay for that water and some way of dispensing it broadly across the grass. Plus we would then have had to mow frequently, adding a fairly big, hot, and unpleasant chore to our regular list.

Not watering a lawn has, in fact, a perfect storm of reasons not to do it. In this case, laziness, stinginess, and environmentalism to hand-in-hand. It’s practically a match made in heaven!

Now, of course, it’s started raining and the grass has staged an almost miraculous recovery. Looks like we’d better not put that lawn mower away for the season yet.

PS – I’d like to point out that Washingtonians get 20% of their energy from coal. We have lots of other renewable resources — wind, water, wood, and geothermal all spring to mind — that should make coal moot. I suggest that if you’re a Washingtonian, you check out this page.

Day 1 went well, all things considered. We got into the building, had all the materials we needed, everybody showed up, and nobody fell asleep. We survived.

Day 2, we’re bringing lots of ice water and sunblock. It’s all outdoors and the forecast calls for 92°F weather. There’s a heat advisory. We’re setting up a tent for shade in the parking lot where we’re doing the drills. I’m glad we made on-road so short.

More later!

What do I do when things at work are blah?

PLAY WITH DATA, OF COURSE!

I have this handy-dandy GPS device that records data on every bike ride that I remember to turn it on for. That means that when I say to myself, “It feels like I’m not getting any faster on my commutes home from January to now,” I don’t have to go based on gut feeling. I actually have a way of determining whether that is accurate or not. Enter lots of data mining over the course of a few days, some fiddling around with the Excel 2007, and voila! (Note: I have hidden most of this post under the fold, as it’s long, math-and-science heavy, and probably not of interest to most of you.)

HYPOTHESES
Hypothesis 1: My average speed has increased from January, 2010 to August, 2010.
Hypothesis 2: I ride faster in the mornings than in the evenings.
Hypothesis 3: I ride faster on Mondays than on Fridays.

ANALYSIS AND RESULTS

Average Speed: All Rides, All Bikes

According to Math*, I averaged 14.0 mph in January and I now average 14.7 mph. That’s for all commutes to or from the Bicycle Alliance of Washington from the time I started working there in January through August 4, 2010. Is this a significant change? And even if significant, is it meaningful? Time to apply some logic, followed by some more math. Variables to consider:

1. Different routes: Check average speed on short rides versus long rides. The difference in distance could cause variation in speed that isn’t meaningful.

2. Morning and evening routes: Compare AM to AM and PM to PM. I ride the same morning route the majority of the time, but I consistently ride the same different evening route. It works out to be one big around-the-lake loop. Comparing average speed on 10 miles through Bellevue to a 10-mile route on the Burke-Gilman Trail isn’t exactly comparing apples to apples.
3. Different bikes: Include only routes ridden on one type of bike. I rode the same route on 3 different bikes — Artemis, the fast bike; the Red Bike, a comfy hybrid; and Charlotte, the heavy Xtracycle-equipped bike — and riding it on Artemis versus on Charlotte can make a world of difference for average speed.

Those variables I can control for. Other possible interfering variables I can’t easily take into account, but that might have a significant impact on speed:

1. Temperature. Although there’s some debate among bicyclists about this, I’m pretty sure that riding at 15°F is slower than riding at 70°F.

2. Wind. Riding into a headwind both ways — which happens more than you’d expect, and far more often than I’d want (which is never) — will dramatically slow a bicyclist down. I’m not sure how I’d account for that without doing way more work than it’s worth right now.
3. Light. Riding down a pitch-black bike path in February with only my front light for illumination requires slower speeds just from a safety standpoint; I doubt I exceeded 13 mph on full-dark evening rides. Riding in broad daylight, I don’t have to limit my speed due to sight distance.

First of all, let’s take a look at the morning versus evening routes. Splitting out the AM rides and the PM rides, I compared the mean of each using a two-sample t-test assuming equal variances (see table below).

Morning vs. Evening Average Speed

	AM Rides	PM Rides
Mean	14.49	14.00
Variance	0.56	1.08
Observations	104	92
Pooled Variance	0.80
df	194
t Stat	3.80
P(T<=t) one-tail	0.0000984
t Critical one-tail	1.65
P(T	0.000197
t Critical two-tail	1.97

The morning average speed was 14.49 mph; the afternoon average speed was 14.00 mph. According to the t-test, the one- an two-tail p-values were both significantly less than 0.05 (p<0.000098 and p<0.00020, respectively). This tells us that there's a very low probability that the hypothesis that morning speed and evening speed are the same. Essentially, there was a statistically significant difference between my morning average speed and my afternoon average speed: I really do ride faster in the mornings than in the afternoon. Therefore, for any meaningful average speed comparison, I have to only compare morning to morning and evening to evening.

Using a linear regression for comparisons, we found obtained the following results.

Linear Regression Statistics Comparing All Morning Rides

Regression Statistics
Multiple R	0.404
R Squared	0.164
Adjusted R Squared	0.156
Standard Error	0.669
Observations	103

ANOVA
	df	SS	MS	F	Significance F
Regression	1	8.874	8.874	19.82	0.0000220
Residual	101	45.23	0.448
Total	102	54.11
	Coefficients	Standard Error	t Stat	P-Value
Intercept	13.99	0.135	103.8	1.91x10^-104
Count	0.010	0.0022	4.451	0.0000220

The important thing to notice here is the P-value for the Count: it’s very low. This means there’s a low probability that my speed now is the same as my speed in January: In the morning, my average speed has increased by a statistically significant amount. What about evening?

Linear Regression Statistics Comparing All Evening Rides

Regression Statistics
Multiple R	0.192
R Squared	0.0369
Adjusted R Squared	0.026
Standard Error	1.02
Observations	92

ANOVA
	df	SS	MS	F	Significance F
Regression	1	3.62	3.62	3.45	0.0665
Residual	90	94.40	1.049
Total	91	98.01
	Coefficients	Standard Error	t Stat	P-Value
Intercept	13.66	0.215	63.44	1.67x10^-76
Count	0.00747	0.00402	1.86	0.0665

Again, look at the Counts P-value: This isn’t so small. In fact, it says that there’s a greater than 5% chance my evening speed has not changed between now and January. What an interesting result! Even though I’ve gotten faster in the morning, these data indicate that I still go the same speed in the afternoon. However, when we examined the data more carefully, we noticed three outliers: Most of the time, I averaged 14 mph in the evening; three times, I averaged closer to 11 mph. Some consideration let me to recall that on those particular evenings, I had ridden home with somebody else who averaged slower than I usually did. Those outliers were probably dragging my overall average down.

Moving on, however, we decided to account for the difference in bike as well as time of day. Comparing all morning rides on Artemis,

Linear Regression Statistics Comparing Morning Rides on Artemis

Regression Statistics
Multiple R	0.499
R Squared	0.249
Adjusted R Squared	0.239
Standard Error	0.608
Observations	75

ANOVA
	df	SS	MS	F	Significance F
Regression	1	8.954	8.954	24.24	0.00000512
Residual	73	26.97	0.369
Total	74	35.92
	Coefficients	Standard Error	t Stat	P-Value
Intercept	14.08	0.142	99.32	1.2x10^-79
Count	0.0160	0.0032	4.923	0.000005123

Linear Regression Statistics Comparing Evening Rides on Artemis

Regression Statistics
Multiple R	0.337
R Squared	0.114
Adjusted R Squared	0.0995
Standard Error	0.634
Observations	64

ANOVA
	df	SS	MS	F	Significance F
Regression	1	3.200	3.200	7.645	0.0064
Residual	62	24.92	0.402
Total	63	28.12
	Coefficients	Standard Error	t Stat	P-Value
Intercept	13.96	0.160	87.07	1.54x10^-66
Count	0.0121	0.00429	2.822	0.0064

These results indicate that not only did I get faster in the morning — which we would have expected — but I actually did get faster in the evening (excluding those particularly slow outliers). Now, if you’re like me, you like pictures. I’ve always been able to interpret graphs better than tables. For those of you who always draw a picture, here’s a graph summarizing those results. The x-axis is time (we just numbered them consecutively from 1 to the end, since actual date didn’t matter that much) and the y-axis is average speed in mph.



The blue line indicates my average speed on Artemis in the morning, and the dark blue dotted line is a linear trendline of that data. It shows that when I started riding Artemis on the morning commute, I averaged 14.1 miles per hour, and now I average 15.3 miles per hour. The R-squared value and the equation for that trendline are shown above the key, and tell us that in the mornings I’m increasing by an average of almost 0.02 miles per hour per day.

The red line indicates my average speed on Artemis in the evening, and the dark red doted line is a linear trendline of the data. It shows that when I started riding Artemis on the morning commute, I averaged 14.0 miles per hour, and now I average 14.7 miles per hour (as demonstrated above, a statistically significant, if realistically minute, change). The R-squared value and the equation for that trendline are shown above the key, and tell us that in the mornings I’m increasing by an average of barely 0.01 miles per hour per day. In short, I’m getting faster faster in the mornings, and getting faster more slowly in the evenings.

Last, just out of curiosity, we examined my hypothesis that I get slower over the week. I expected to see a general downward trend in average speeds from Monday to Friday as well as morning to afternoon.

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Grand Total
AM	14.7	14.9	14.8	14.5	14.7	14.7
PM	14.3	14.1	14.4	14.3	13.5	14.2
Grand Total	14.5	14.5	14.6	14.2	14.1	14.4

These results essentially blow my “it’s later in the week, therefore I’m riding slower” excuse out of the water. You can see clearly that I ride faster in the mornings than in the evenings — the daily averages and the grand total average both reflect that result very clearly — but there’s no real difference between my morning speed on Monday and my morning speed on Friday. Similarly, Monday through Thursday evening speeds remain pretty constant. The only exception is Friday afternoon, when my average speed plummets. It’s not a Friday thing, though, because I generally ride fairly briskly Friday mornings.

DISCUSSION
Analysis of my biking data indicate that Hypothesis 1 (My average speed has increased from January, 2010 to August, 2010) is true, although not strongly so. Hypothesis 2 (I ride faster in the mornings than in the evenings) is definitely true, to an almost remarkable extent. Hypothesis 3 (I ride faster on Mondays than on Fridays) is absolutely false, and I have no physical excuse for dawdling on Friday afternoons.

Why these results?
Hypothesis 1: Well, you’d expect that I would get stronger over time as I became more fit and my body became accustomed to the route. As a side note, I have noticed that I’m less hungry and tired now than when I started riding in January: My body has adjusted to going that distance at that speed. However, I’m not really pushing myself to go faster, since I have to be energetic and useful at the end of each ride; in fact, I’m working on training myself to avoid the “bike commuter racing” mentality. Presumably this accounts for my incremental increase. I’d like to think that if I was training hard to get faster, I’d have a more noticeable increase in average speed.

Hypothesis 2: I think this has to do with rest. In the evening, I have about 12 hours between when I get home and when I leave in the morning, and I spend 7 to 8 of those hours asleep. My muscles get a good, long break. During the day, I have about 9 hours between arrival and departure, but I spend a good portion of that time up and walking around. Even not walking, I’m still moving quite a bit. I get close to zero rest for my legs during a normal workday. Also, I’m almost always mentally fatigued when I leave work, and a great deal of speed has to do with the desire and willpower to keep pushing even when it starts to hurt. In the mornings I have it, and in the afternoons I just don’t. I’ve spent the entire day struggling hip-deep through endless misery, and I’ve used my reservoir of mental fortitude that could go to pushing me to go faster on the way home.

Hypothesis 3: This is plain bizarre. I’ve thought I rode slower the later in the week it was, and I even coined the phrase “Friday legs” to describe the phenomenon. Now I find out it’s all in me ‘ead! I think what this really indicates is that my average speed isn’t limited as much by my physical ability as by my mental strength. I may be more tired by Friday, but it doesn’t show in the average speeds. I think there’s also the “saving yourself for the swim back” phenomenon going on here, too. On Mondays I don’t push myself because I know I have ten 20-mile rides to finish by Friday. If I pretended each morning that I only had to complete that one ride, perhaps my averages would change more.

* Applied a basic linear trendline, shown in red, to the data.
Note: Due to GPS inaccuracy, the same route varies between 18 and 20 miles and 1,000 and 2,000 feet in elevation. One day I turn it on and I’m at -234 feet. The next day, standing in the same place, I’m at 166 feet. Amazing.

Time for a little comic break.

Three days of posting daily, that is. Yesterday I completely forgot: I spent the workday buried in old — circa 1995 — issues of the Bicycle Alliance’s newsletter. They have almost every newsletter published since they started sending them out in 1992. It was only in mid-1995 that they made mention of e-mail and the amazing “World Wide Web.” I had forgotten how mystical the internet used to be, but the wide-eyed awe with which they provide URLs (this happened twice in 1995) and asked for readers’ email addresses reminded me that I didn’t set up my first email address until 1998.

Yesterday at work I also conceived of the idea of the idea of making a pair of Mercury/Hermes wings to affix somehow to my helmet as my nod to the whimsy of Tour de Fat, which I’m working at all day tomorrow. (Spoiler: They are turning out awesome, but glue takes forever to dry, even in the sun.) Because I’m working Saturday, Every “encouraged” (read “ordered”) me to take today off. It took a lot of arm-twisting, but I did.

After work Ian and I met up and did an errand in Bellevue that took long enough that when I got home, a shower, dinner, and reading until I fell asleep (not very long) filled out the docket.

Speaking of reading, I’m really enjoying Michael Flynn’s book Firestar, which sounds like your typical sci-fi book and patently is not. Flynn wrote Wreck of the River of Stars, one of my favorite sci-fi books ever, which the review I linked to accurately describes as “a tour de force of character developement.” Also I’m in the midst of If You Can Read This: The Philosophy of Bumper Stickers, by Jack Bowen. I find his discussions take the bumper stickers too seriously — covering “Clones are people too,” for example, he didn’t mention the pun, which is, to my mind, the whole point — and he comes from a staunchly anti-theistic viewpoint. That in and of itself is fine, but it seemed that he spent more time bashing theism than absolutely necessary. Finally, Ian and I are reading The Checklist Manifesto, by Atul Gawande. Gawande is an excellent writer and thorough researcher, and the book is fascinating. It’s also a very easy read, and we’re only taking forever because I’m splitting my sparse reading time three ways.

I have mentioned The Other Katie phenomenon a couple of times before (here and here). These emails seem to come in waves:

Well, OK, this graph — which shows date on the X axis and number of emails received on the Y axis — doesn’t seem to actually support my perception that I receive Other Katie emails in waves. If one of you science types wants to do a quick statistical analysis on this data (I’m pretty sure October 2009 was an outlier) to indicate whether it really is cyclical or not, I won’t stop you. But the upshot is that over the last year or so, I’ve gotten 75 emails for Other Katies. Occasionally I get an exceptional one, and it’s time once again for me to share some of the stranger emails I receive in my alter ego as The Other Katie.

Received July 28, 2010
Subject: Zimmer

Dear Katie,

I am a friend from Florian and he told me you’re might still need a room for your stay in HD.
One of my flatmates is moving out, so we are looking for somebody.
It would be a room in a share flat, with 3 other girls in Neuenheim (Kussmaulstr. 4), close to the campus…
no washing machine, but a lot of fun

Greetings from HD
[Name omitted]

Man, I wish I had a friend name Florian who lives in Heidelberg (I inferred this from some links attached). Sounds like quite an opportunity — I like to have a lot of fun, but the no washing machine is a deal breaker.

Received July 14, 2010
Subject: VVIP Program!

Hello,

Welcome to Hotel Sorella’s VVIP program! Your Sorella VVIP number is [Omitted]. You may use this number to guarantee future reservations.

If you are not affiliated with a corporate program, please book your reservation directly with us online at www.hotelsorella.com or by calling 866.842.0100. However, if you are affiliated with a corporate program and would like to receive proper credit to your account for each stay, book your reservations through your dedicated travel agency per corporate policy and make sure your VVIP number is indicated on your reservation to ensure VVIP benefits.

Please note, in the event you book through alternate third party channels not mentioned above, we cannot guarantee your account will be credited or your VVIP amenity will be delivered, although we will make every attempt to do so.

If there is any other way I may be of assistance, to check your VVIP status, or to update your profile, please feel free to contact me anytime. We look forward to welcoming you in the future!

Thank You,

[Name omitted]

Sales and Marketing & VVIP Program Coordinator
Hotel Sorella CITYCENTRE
800 west sam houston parkway north ?| building 9 | houston, texas 77024
t 713.827.3513 | f 713.973.1601 |
[Name omitted]@valenciagroup.com
www.hotelsorella.com | www.valenciagroup.com

I wish I really was a VVIP — sounds like a pretty posh place! Of course, it’s in Texas, and my experience there is limited to one rerouted layover during a Christmas flight to Seattle, so unfortunately I can’t say for sure.

Received July 7, 2010
Subject: Grasyon and Bryan’s Wedding Pre-Wedding Activities

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As Grayson and Bryan’s big day approaches I wanted to send everyone a quick note and gauge your interest in any pre-wedding activities.

On Thursday, August 5, 2010, several of us are thinking about taking a little rafting voyage during the day down one of Colorado’s beautiful rivers. We have several options open to us as far as duration, difficulty, etc…but before I get into all the details I would like to get a sense if anyone is interested. More than likely we’ll keep it to a ½ day event, which may cost anywhere from $90 – $120 per person. They will pick us up in Vail, so you don’t have to worry about transportation.

On Friday, August 6, 2010 some people were throwing around the idea of horseback riding in the morning, so again if you have any interest let me and we’ll figure out a plan.

Please let me know if you are interested rather quickly that way we can get more of the details ironed out and book something.

Thanks,
[Name Omitted]

Dang, sounds like I’m missing another fun opportunity! River rafting and horseback riding in Colorado — who wouldn’t want to do that? Whoever this Other Katie is, she certainly has a lot of pretty fun opportunities.

Received June 22, 2010
Subject: FW: New Trick

She’s on her back… She’s on her stomach… She can do both – since Ellie turned herself over for the first time yesterday!

I infer that The Other Katie knows somebody with a new baby. Otherwise Katie’s friends sound a bit, well, infantile.

Received May 2, 2010
Subject: Fw: Teachers appreciation Luncheon Monday May 3rd

Hi Katie! I just wanted to remind you that Monday is the Teachers and TA’s
Lunch. After you drop the kids off head over for some lunch from Willy’s
Mexican Cantina! Enjoy! Thanks for all you do for our children!!!!!!! We
really appreciate it! Especially me! Talk to you soon. [Name Omitted]

This one was particularly bad because I received it from a Katie Ferguson, who has an email address at yahoo.com. I assume she intended to forward it to herself but failed.

Received April 22, 2010
Subject: where in the world are yoooooooou!!!!!!!!

id like to know how you are doing? it’s been awhile since we last talked. just letting you know that we are still around and waiting for the new arrival well i will be in touch.
love always,
[name omitted]

I think I answered the sender’s subject-line question, anyway — I included my city and state location in my email signature. If by “new arrival” they mean a new baby, The Other Katie also knows a lot of pregnant women, since this is a different sender than the previous new-baby email.

And, last but not least, a more serious one.

Received March 19, 2010
Subject: [Name Omitted]

Hi Katie. I spoke with [Name X] yesterday and let her know [Name Omitted] is seeing a child psychologist, Dr. [Name Z] (“Dr. Z”). Dr. Z’s phone number is [888-888-8888]. We’ve had three sessions so far and are focusing on ways [Name Omitted] can handle situations that anger and frustrate him more effectively. I have filled out the necessary paperwork with Dr. Z for you and [Name X] to be able to discuss [Name Omitted] if the need arises. Please pass this information along to [Name X] the next time you see her. Thank you. Have a nice weekend. [Name Y]

I certainly wish Name Omitted and Name Y all the best. Clearly life isn’t all weddings, fun runs in Atlanta (I get lots of these, but they’re boring, so I didn’t post any), river rafting and horseback riding in Colorado, and cute new babies.

That’s the Other Katie update for now. Expect some more interesting snapshots of The Other Katie’s more-exciting life another time.

Here’s part of a renewal notice email I received today — July 27, 2010 — from the League of American Bicyclists. I’d better get right on this renewal — I only have a little over 12 months!

In other news, I saw a mother raccoon furtively ushering her brood of partly-grown kits (?) into some bushes on Mercer Island this morning. She gave me a belligerent, “Don’t mess with me” stare. I didn’t mess with her.

I’ve had a blog post open and partly written for days. That’s why I haven’t updated my blog in such a long time — I’m halfway through a post and I keep trying to squeeze it out, but you know, you just can’t rush some things. So in the meantime, I thought I’d post a quick update on all those meaningless things that make life meaningful.

I just read a fascinating book called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, which expands on an article of the same name in the Atlantic Monthly. There’s a blog post brewing in me somewhere about that book. Some main things I came away with: Astonishment at how picky some women are about men; the different ways of going through life — either satisfied when you meet your criteria or always trying to get the best possible deal — have a huge impact on how you feel about life; your expectations going into any situation dramatically color your experience of that situation.

Rainier cherries are fresh and local; we got a box from the Woodinville Farmer’s Market and I just ate way more than is probably healthy for me. Also apricots, which I’ve only recently been able to eat again after finding half a worm in an apricot years ago. Also bok choy, which is excellent because Ian’s favorite salad is bok choy salad (a recipe similar to this one) and I refuse to buy bok choy — or, at this point, pretty much any produce — from more than 200 miles away.

This Friday my high school friend Zoe is getting married.

This Saturday I’m helping run Go, Dog Go! as part of my AmeriCorps Community Action Project. After that, I’m out of hours for helping, so anything else I do is real volunteering. Please come to Go, Dog Go! if you can to at least say hi. Bring your dog, if you have one.

I met a lady at the park near our house yesterday. Her name was Danielle. She had a 16-month-old Golden Retriever named Mia (or Maya…I forget) who totally charmed me. We — Danielle and me — spent 45 minutes chatting. It was nice getting to know somebody new. Dog people tend to be very nice, and they always love talking about their dogs.

Artemis is at Cascade Bicycle Studio getting a rack put on. It’s taking 3 days. I have faith that some day, I will be able to carry things with my primary bike without hurting my back. In the meantime, the Red Bike and I are bonding. My favorite thing about the Red Bike: Wearing sandals while riding. Mom always said not to, but it’s so comfortable in the summer!

I put 2 coats of off-white paint over the dark dusty rose in the downstairs bathroom. The walls still have a pink tint. Curse you, 1990s color choices!

That’s the news from Lake Wobegone. Tune in the same place, some other time, for the exciting continuation of this thrilling life.

Ian and I are on our way to Ashland, Oregon, to enjoy the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. We’re spending the night in Salem (which we suddenly remembered was the capital of Oregon when we got here), where there’s apparently a Jehovah’s Witnesses convention. That explains why all the hotels are full up. We found a room at the Comfort Inn for more than we intended to pay, but we’re happy to have a place to stay.

Tomorrow: Ashland, Hamlet at 2:00 and Henry the VIII at 7:30 or so.

I haven’t mentioned the BP oil spill for the last 8 weeks, but that isn’t because I don’t care. Every piece of news I hear about it — and I can hardly help but hear and read about the spill; in addition to hearing about it from news outlets, I receive emails from the Sierra Club and/or Nature Conservancy almost daily asking for help and money — makes me die a little bit inside. The environmental impact is astonishingly bad already and the future looks like it will only get worse for a very long time.

This dire situation forces people to take some kind of response. You can throw up your hands and say it’s hopeless; you can leap into action helping to clean up; you can reassess and change your lifestyle; you can blame other people; or, best of all, you can joke about it. (These aren’t, of course, mutually exclusive responses, nor is this list exhaustive. Feel free to comment with other responses to this disaster.)

Joking about the BP spill — really, joking about BP’s response to the spill — doesn’t make the spill less bad or minimize its importance. I talked to somebody who simply cannot joke about it because she thinks joking means you aren’t taking the disaster seriously. I think that if you can’t see the humorous side in even these dark circumstances, you need to reassess the way you view life.

On that note, I present three excellent instances of BP-inspired black humor:

1. Massive Flow of Bullshit Continues To Gush from BP Headquarters (The Onion)
   

   Sample quote: The toxic bullshit, which began to spew from the mouths of BP executives shortly after the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in April, has completely devastated the Gulf region, delaying cleanup efforts, affecting thousands of jobs, and endangering the lives of all nearby wildlife.

2. The BP Coffee Spill (Grist.org)
   

   Sample quote: “Don’t worry … it’s a small spill on a very large table.”

3. BPGlobalPR (Twitter)
   

   Sample quote: Sending some lawyers down to the Earth’s crust to deliver a Cease and Desist. That oughtta do it.