How Do You Like Me Now?!

Free at last! I took my last midterm today, and you know what? It was EASY. I knew all of it, every last thing, even the lame question about Norman windows because Ian and I did one like that a little while ago. YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW? (If you don’t have the Google popup blocker, I suggest you get it.) I feel so good, I can’t say! I’m ahead of my Architecture reading, I got the delicious chocolate chip cookies Jess zoomed off to me (what an angel!), I saw Lesley for a nice long time today, and I even got to see Ernie a little bit before & after my exam. So much for cards, and I miss playing Rummy 500 with his stringent rules, but at least we got to talk a little bit. Also he saved me from being raped and/or pillaged as well as soaked on the walk from Clark to WPI I would’ve had to make. Thank God for friends who are willing to drive me home occasionally.

This weather reminds me powerfully of home: about 50 degrees and rainy in the most persistent way possible. Lesley got her hair dyed back to one even color – before she was Two-Tone Lesley, with dark normal hair above light bleached hair – and after a rigorous (for me, boring) 2 hours at StudiOne we emerged to find pouring rain. It soaked us entirely in the brief dash back to Clark; by the time I got into Sackler and found Ernie buried in a stack of lab reports to grade, my hair dripped and water had soaked through the cardboard box Jess sent me. During the exam I also realized that my shoes just take longer to soak through, so my toes feel a little soggy right now, but that can’t dampen my spirit. Today has gone ridiculously well, culminating in my feeling very good about this math exam. Hopefully I aced it; to achieve a moderate grade I have to get A’s on all the rest of our exams (crosses fingers).

Now all I have to do is figure out my classes for next semester, convince my pushy Advisor that they will further my desires, and my week will end. If I’m really, really lucky Prof. Robertson will return our papers tomorrow and I will have a big fat A on that, too.

As a final thought: Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red White & Blue” is patriotic to the point of sounding rather ridiculous. Where would we get our laughs if country didn’t exist?

– KF –

Middle of It All

Who really wants to read the details of life?

Thoughts:

You can’t ask a vague question and expect a detailed answer.

Yazoo streams are tiny streamlets that parallel rivers with natural levees.

Lack of communication will kill even the best relationship. Secrets are worse.

Smoking kills people, and we all know it, yet today I saw a 6th grader doing it.

You’ve spent too much time on AIM if you say “Lol” out loud instead of laughing.

Procrastination may be an art, but passing your casses is a necessity.

If you haven’t met the mathmagician, why not?

I found an ant crawling on my forehead today, and that made me want to shower.

Finally, as Jess aptly just asked of me, “With all these naps, who has time to write a paper?” We must have our priorities, after all.

Things I can hardly wait for:

Thursday: test stresses shall vanish for a time.

Thanksgiving, when I get to see Jess again after approximately forever.

Christmas, when I get to see my family again – both families. Yay!

New Year’s Eve, and the Maximus Testosterous murder mystery.

– KF –

Unfortunately, life is awful. These two exams weigh heavily on my mind; I struggle spending so much time without contact with many other people; the Architecture reading goes slowly; the mice make noises in the ceiling; despite our best efforts mildew stubbornly grows on our shower curtain; nobody will edit my story for the Atlantic Monthly; no matter what I do my friends (when I see them) find me excruciatingly boring. On the brighter side, today was positively gorgeous weather-wise. I wore a sweatshirt and felt far too hot. Also I pried some help from Prof Woodcock, my geology prof, quite an accomplishment if I do say so. A fly kept buzzing around in her office even after she opened a window. Ian and I ate ourselves down to literally nothing left (until we went to the store I’d eaten a bowl of yogurt all day).

I’ve started feeling those “don’t eat” urges again, probably as a result of having so much of life out of my control. I know that I have plenty of choices, but the things that matter most – relationships, really – continue deteriorating to the point where I feel almost like a lonely freshman again. I have also considered starting to run again to slim down – ha! Everybody says I’m finally normal, and all I want to do is lose 10 or 15 lbs. I find myself counting how much I eat a day and thinking “That’s good, I had only toast for breakfast and will eat a quarter of a bowl of soup for dinner… doing good…” Because I have spent so much time talking to people about anorexia, and that mindset, I realize that I shouldn’t think this way. But at the same time, it’s very seductive: something I can control absolutely, something that I can be accountable for. Food sounds worse and worse; after eating at Applebee’s I wanted to cry because I “caved.” I’m so tired of being unhappy and lonely. I know it’s illogical, but it really feels like if I somehow manage to get back below 100 lbs I will actually be a happier, better person. My physical fitness is at an all-time low and my weight an all-time high: terrible combination for a perfectionist like me. Something has to change, and I will have to do that changing to myself because nothing I do will make people desire to care for me or spend time in my company. Somebody said that you can’t change others, only yourself. That’s what I am slowly doing, and the worst part is my head says it’s bad, bad, bad, and don’t go down that road again! but my gut is saying Yes, do it, you’ll be so much happier; think how good you feel when you haven’t eaten and aren’t hungry! So far I’ve managed to continue eating normally, or mostly normally, but the guilt gnaws at me relentlessly because I do. Eat… Food… Weight… I want to stop thinking about them all forever.

Something is terribly wrong in my life, and I don’t know what it is or how to fix it. Dear God, help me.

– KF –

My Amazing Marvellous Story of the Weekend I Spent In A Coconut Nutshell – An Incredible Work of Staggering Genius!

After a title like that, how can my actual post measure up?!

This weekend has turned out rather depressing. As Toby’s away message said at one point: if this weekend was food, it’d be plain oatmeal with lots of milk. The general idea of two exams next week, with the addition of trying to keep up in reading my Architecture books – possibly the densest texts ever (probably 3x as many words/page as any other textbook I’ve encountered), and the stress of the Atlantic Monthly story coming due in only one month, with no editors returning it to me… You’d hope that 3 months’ advance time would be enough, but apparently it isn’t. In any case, this weekend has been one of work and the occasional good moment. One good moment was realizing that Buy.com has a 30% off sale, and that may affect my dream camera, so if you want to buy it for me now’s the time 🙂

Another of the good moments was going to the Interstate 8 concert with Luke and Ian. They invited 5 other groups: SHM, Fools on the Hill, Rusty Pipes, BU’s coed group, and CDN. Frankly, although it was Interstate 8’s concert, I like the Rusty Pipes and CDN the best, and thought SHM did very well too. Tyler’s Weird Al song, “One More Minute“, especially. As a special starter, Eric and a group of comedian peoples started by tap dancing to “Singing in the Rain.” Eric even got shot at the end of the number, curling up and looking rather more like a dead insect than a dead person. Excellent break between studying.

I was thinking how odd it is, blogging. People read the blog (presumably; I kind of wonder how many really do), and get an idea of what’s happening in our lives, but we still have no idea what’s going on in their lives. It doesn’t really occur to people that that mode of communication is so exceedingly one-sided that we get rather left out of the loop aside from the occasional one-sentence comment (which, frankly, throw us into palpitations of ecstasy). It’s so odd! I’ll mention an event that I blogged to a family member, and they will more often than not reply, “Oh yes, I read that on your blog.” I think anybody who reads a blog should be required to keep a blog, so as to even the playing field. Then again, that would probably also lower our readership by 50 or 60%. Gotta keep thinking on that one.

As a final happy thought, if you are quiet in the kitchen you can hear the pattering of tiny mice feet around on the dropped ceiling. Yes, we have mice above our heads at all times, probably trying to get into our food as we speak. This disturbs us.

– KF –

New Look! Same Great Product!

Ian has slaved all day, and most of yesterday evening, to produce the brilliant product now before you. I admit it; I put him up to it, and some of the ideas were mine, but this masterpiece of HTML-jockeying is all Ian’s. We decided that the background was too dark, but white is too boring; hence the lighter color. Plus, everybody and their mother seems to choose to have a dark background on their web pages/blogs and we felt that something different would make a nice change. The scrollbars remain the same fantastic outlines you love, and of course the content that has you coming back day in and day out will not change one whit. The most major change we made was that now our links are on two separate pages so the blogs have more room. You’ll find the links pages in the darker area at the top of each of our blogs. We hope that you appreciate the effort that continues to go into this page, and if you have any comments or thoughts, do let us know.

– KF –

Thanks, Mom

I got my first letter in probably 3 weeks yesterday, from mom. It was actually a card that intriguingly stated, “If we were hamsters…” and went on from there to suggest we would “snack, we’d nap, we’d think about working out, we’d snack again, nap some more…” and then on the inside perkily concluded, “Hey…wait a minute…” I’m not sure if she’s trying to tell me something or not, but I was thrilled to get the mail in any case. This year has been depressingly mail-light, with the majority of things in my box pertaining to Domino’s Pizza or the Chinese place down the street. I wish I had more friends who sent me letters. Or, for that matter, cared to contact me at all.

Yesterday was, as we all know, Halloween. I expected Clark to have an enormous brouhaha with students dressed up all over the place and ghosts, bats, and pumpkins liberally strewn about. Now, however, I remember how I missed Halloween last year: Clark did nothing, for which I was profoundly glad. Math and Geology dragged by; Lesley and I hung out in between. When I got home Ian and I had a much-needed talk about finances and other boring but vital married-person stuff. Also I started getting my WPI account set up, so now I have an email at WPI (katief@wpi.edu; but don’t bother sending anything there because I won’t touch it, ever) and hopefully within 24 hours will have a myWPI account to check on my Architecture class notes, etc.

On the brigher side, he also suggested we go to Applebee’s for dinner. We haven’t eaten out much (costs a fair amount), but it seemed like a good idea, so we took the 30 minute walk to the Worcester Common Outlets (If you can’t tell from the site it’s an ageing “nice mall wanna-be” which I try to avoid for the most part. Yesterday many costumed children wandered around with their parents, asking for candy at the shops. This made me realize how odd it would be to grow up in a city, where you can hardly go “house to house” as we did as kids. Weird.

Anyway Ian and I both ordered greasy American food – grilled club and hamburger, respectively; we shared each part. Oh it was so good! We hadn’t had anything like that for quite some time, and we enjoyed ourselves immensely – until about halfway home, when we realized there’s a reason we don’t eat that type of food very often. It makes you sick. So we didn’t feel very good the rest of the night, and actually I went to bed at 10:15 because I simply couldn’t stay awake. No surprise I woke up at 9:00 feeling disgustingly perky – 11 hours of sleep will do that to a body. Now it’s 65 out and sunny, so I think I’ll stay inside and beat my Geology into submission.

– KF –