I don’t think I’m going to be getting anybody else responding to my survey, so I figured I would post again. If you haven’t filled it out, PLEEEASE do so – it’s in the post right below this one. When I get around to graphing and analyzing the results I may post them here if there’s any interest. Is there?
The last couple days haven’t been so bad. I saw Kristin and she drove me home (what a sweetie!); Jos and I got together quite deliberately and ate lunch. It’s good to see them again. I start missing my friends so much here, and I’m on the same campus they are… How can I see the same people over and over again, and never see them? There are only 1,500 students here total! It can’t be possible! But it is, and I’m learning to cope alright. This year is just helping to develop my more introverted side, and I’m enjoying spending time alone now.
I remember when I was younger – middle High School, maybe – my mom and sister went on a trip, and I stayed behind. Every day I got the whole house to myself; I played my music (or, better yet, no music), talked to the dog, and kept the house cool with the closed shades. I almost felt disappointed when Dad came home every evening at 5:30 because it broke into my quietness. Quietness isn’t something people appreciate much now, and it’s something that I do enjoy about living in our apartment and not a dorm. Our apartment has its share of noise, but some times it actually is silent. Nobody there but me, and everybody gone upstairs – you rarely hear this in a dorm.
After failing my math exam I felt quite apprehensive about having my geology professor return our exams. However, I managed a very tolerable solid 85, and anticipate getting about that on most of the future exams – hopefully a little higher. Three more points and I would have had an A, but I’m not fussing. That class was pretty interesting, actually; she talked about Nicholas Steno, a father of modern stratigraphy and at the end of class gave us a nice handout about him. Only I found that, as I read it, the handout had been copied straight from the internet with no citation! In fact the link I have there is the very paper she gave us, and it’s easy to find online, but the point is this: what kind of example is she setting, by first emphasizing strongly the evils of plagiarising, and then doing so quite blatantly herself? I’m thinking of talking to her about it – nicely! – and suggesting that maybe she’d like to mention her source next class. It just seems shocking to me after her having stressed more than any professor yet how she doesn’t tolerate such. It’s also quite amusing.
Last night Ian and I went to WPI and I searched Scholarly Journal Archive for articles on my Geology topic. That was great – JStor is really powerful. As I told Lesley, “It’s like searching the world!” And it really is. I found probably 10 or 15 articles that worked after an hour and a half of searching; I saved the links and emailed them to myself. But something happened in transit, because they never arrived and the links I’d IM’d myself took me not to the exact page I needed but the opening Search page of JStor. So all my work and good articles found must be found again. Very, very disappointing, after I thought I was completely set and ready to skim those articles, write the paper, and be done. No go… and on top of this my Marine Bio paper is due tomorrow. I looked it over yesterday and found it perfectly awful, so practically rewrote the whole thing. Though fixing mistakes cannot be faulted, I still feel it’s not worth any grade higher than a C. All my normal editors (ie, Mom and Dad, maybe Jess, maybe Ian) are too busy to help, so I’m left to myself trying to edit a paper I loathe.
I have been thinking much and seriously about quitting here at Clark. I strongly feel that we are wasting my tuition this semester, and I’m still not convinced that an English major from here, which emphasizes analyzing literature over the centuries, is what I should do. Writing and editing are what I do best, but those skills are lamentably rusty now, since all I can do with them is write scientific papers if I’m exceedingly lucky. What I would really like to do is write and submit my writing to publishers and magazines. However, I feel that I’m not ready for that yet because I haven’t the skill to write well enough. To that end I would like to take classes that help me improve my writing by allowing me to write journalistic articles, short stories, and essays. Perhaps another school here in Worcester could serve me better in that way, or perhaps I need to go somewhere else. I may be better off quitting college altogether and focusing on going to writing seminars – way cheaper than the $20,000 or so we’re paying for my “education.” I don’t knpw what the best course of action is, so at this point I’m just living day-to-day at Clark and trusting that with time God will reveal His plan for me.
Funny how everything comes back to God. That’s how the world is structured, and even my Biology professors can’t help but say organisms were “created” in a certain way: it’s so obvious they were created what’s the use in denying it? Now as usual I realized that I’ve written way too much for your average blog – but then, I’m not your average person, either, so how can those rules apply to me? 🙂
– KF –