Today marks the first major bill Ian and I paid as a married couple: the $7,980-odd for next month’s Clark tuition. Of course, the bill should have gone to Kirkland first, and we’re not sure why it came to Ian’s box. Still, paid. Actually we’ve paid $1,000 a month rent for the last 6 months. Also speaking of bills, I got a notice in my mail box today from my insurance company. A few weeks ago I thought I was sick (wrong), but I went to talk to them anyway. Here’s what the bill says: “Your insurance carrier requires the following information for each accident or sickness claim submitted.” Blah blah blah… and then it says, “For: DOS 10/13/03 Billed Amt $7 for UMass Memorial.” What’s going on here? I went to Health Services at Clark and talked to them, peed in a cup, etc. No going to UMass Memorial involved here. The form asks me to explain the nature of my illness, but I was never ill – I never went! Some things in the adult world are just beyond me.
Last week I ordered Fateful Harvest, by Duff Wilson, from Amazon.com affiliate ElephantBooks. I read it as a senior in high school in conjunction with my Independent Study Environmental Science class and enjoyed it very much; also now I found myself with the assignment of explaining potential hazards to water systems in Washington State and this book could have had some applicable sections. The book itself, used, cost $2.29; I paid approximately $6 additional to ship it second-day, so as to get it in time to incorporate the material into my paper. Unfortunately, it did not arrive yesterday as promised. I felt rather disgruntled about this, because I paid almost triple the price just to get it fast.
Two things to start with: 1) the post from Nov. 15, “Links to Everywhere,” has been taken down as per webmaster Ben’s request & all pics removed. Fair enough. 2) The following post was born from a snippet of conversation that took place between myself and Ernie earlier today. I cannot shake the conviction that I bore him, and nearly every one of the other few people I converse with. That said, here is what I wrote out by hand as I digested our conversation, as well as some new observations:
Though the title implies happiness, in truth that state continues to elude me. I completed my Geology paper’s first draft, yet I feel as if I have completed nothing: the mountain of work looming over me remains as tall as ever. I shall not list the sorrows; only know that ten thousand of them oppress me and darken the world in my eyes.
Also, I admit to have perhaps read too much Kim and Arabian Nights. As a final thought, does it disturb anybody else that big companies can sell radioactive waste from Hanford to farmers and call it fertilizer? Or dump some 350 million gallons of radioactive waste into Eastern Washington – to eventually seep into groundwater and thence into the Columbia River – and have no reprecussions?
Every time I update my Blog (read: daily) I get the Celine Dion song A New Day Has Come ringing in my head. It’s almost enough to make one decide to stop blogging. Another thing that might stop people from blogging: Moms. The Onion’s amusing article on the subject, however, only applies when you’re a scummy, lifeless 30-year-old who has to resort to casual sex and Ectasy for thrills.
So, life quickly since at this hour metaphysical speculation tends to elude my grasp. Ian bought a $20 used 4.1 speaker system to replace my solitary speaker/subwoofer “system” and I cannot say how exciting it is to have actual functioning speakers. Before I had two regular ones and a micro-woofer; one cut in and out, but usually preferred to stay off. I cannot say how pleased I feel to turn my speakers on and have all four reliably start and continue to function until my computer crashes. The computer presents its own troubles, namely crashing so often it at least doubles my paper-writing time. Frustrating, really; fortunately my Save Reflex – developed last year as the problem began – serves me well and a I rarely lose important material. Still, I dream of having a machine that will turn on and remain in that state until I desire to turn it off.
Ernie’s away message at one point read, “Ever wonder if life is just a illusion and we are already in heaven or hell?” (to which I reply, if this is heaven why should this illusion be so crappy?) That made me wonder: what if we just made everything up in our heads and nothing around us is actually real? What if we’re all crazy and locked up, but living in an imaginary world? What if the people I think I’m interacting with are just a figment of my mind, behaving as I expect them to? Of course, one idea is that if I imagined everybody, they would be nice to me and my friends would act like friends – call me, spend time with me, not offer reasonable reasons not to spend time together (“homework” and “laundry” being most popular). Still, it is concievable that since I have such a low self esteem, I’m not likely to people a world with friendly, consistent beings. So how are we to know that what we see, smell, touch, and feel are actually real? In fact, that raises the question: what is real?