A Kick!

Colleen is inviting a kid to Tolo! What a kick!

I feel like I can’t get anything to work right. My phone works sporadically, Trillian works occasionally, file transfers never work on AIM (stupid firewall and people who won’t help me get around it), my computer itself is pretty flighty, in fact my brain is pretty questionable too. I don’t know what’s going on in my life – literally. I don’t know what major I want to do (English is useless, just like me). I can’t stand being awake, basically; I’m only happy when I’m asleep. I want to sleep forever, to cry my eyes dry and keep crying. So much apathy cannot be good. My glasses are too thick, my face is too zitty, and I am gaining too much weight. I am so tired of hearing about other peoples’ problems without having a chance to air my own: I feel like my struggles are a wet towel strangling me even as I try to help other unwrap their own wet towels. Continue Reading >>

Math, my foot

The best I can say about this day is at least I’ve finished my exams, and earlier than I expected to. On the other hand, perhaps the extra studying time would have allowed me to actually earn a tolerable grade on this last exam too. Who knows? It doesn’t seem like you can mess up too much on the quadratic formula, but somehow my quadratic formula kept producing -7.39875×10^-6 (or something like that). Frustrating! Also, I tested alone in this room that was adjascent to several professors’ offices. In one a kid named Viktor, who was in my Marine Bio group, was pouring his heart out to this lady about how impossible Intro Bio and Intro Chem were last year; how Marine Bio is impossible; how though he has a learning disability he wants to do it “like a normal person,” etc. Rather distracting, as you might guess, and that was compounded by the fact my prof was also meeting with somebody (door open also). They discussed her troubles with math and he expounded on the many blessings of owing a TI-83… He also advised her to shell out $25 for a new manual when she could just get it online for free (God bless Adobe Acrobat). Somehow I got through the exam and sadly I feel “good” about maybe half of them. Some I didn’t care about – well OK, I don’t actuallycare about any of it – but some I just couldn’t seem to get. I guess I’ll try to be philosophical and say that I’ve done alright on my other exams *cross fingers*, and math isn’t a particularly important thing for me to do well in, so who really cares? Continue Reading >>

Still No Mail

I guess life is back to normal – I don’t get any mail, phone calls, emails, or IM’s. I love how I’m so accessable, yet nobody cares to access me! Though I think maybe Mom doesn’t send me mail any more because I borrowed about $50 worth of stamps when I came back here to Worcester.

You know what is icky? Hands! Especially unwashed hands. When you think about how many people pick their noses, scratch their rears (or other things), sneeze onto their hands, and then handle doorknobs, writing utensils, bannisters, and other public objects… well, it gets downright scary. Cause then when I touch that doorknob or bannister I may as well be touching everything they’ve touched, plus whatever they picked up from random strangers off other public objects. Not a subject worth dwelling on, frankly: it’s disgusting and will make you want to compulsively wash your hands. Aforesaid washing is good in moderation but painful in excess. Continue Reading >>

Dear Lord, What a Night.

I cannot remember a more harrowing night that I have ever experienced. First, I had my whole meltdown as a result of Luke’s comment – an overreaction to him, but not to my whole situation. Hopefully I’ll be able to see Luke online or something today and explain why I got so upset. His comment was the last straw, not the entire haystack. I hope he can understand… I still want to be his friend.

In the background of that was the knowledge that Jess “borrowed” her parents car and took off – to who knew where. This of course was preferable to the Other Choice, but still knowing that my best friend was possibly endangering herself and certainly taking some very extreme action is a hard thing to forget. She promised to call me “when she stopped driving,” and I knew it would be a late phone call. Well, about 12:20 (an hour and a half after I usually go to bed) her mother called sounding very lost and asking about Jess. I talked to her for 25 minutes and told her everything that if I were Jess I would’ve wanted her to hear. At the same time I tried to be sympathetic, because I know it would be very difficult to watch your child run away (though she had her cell phone, so AT&T; could track her anywhere. Creepy) out of sheer desperation. All in all it was a terrible thing to have to witness and be involved in; I was just so glad when Jess called at 2:30 and said that she was driving home and that she’d talked with her father for an hour. I hope they can reach some kind of accord, because what Jess was feeling sounded so sad, so awful, that I can understand why she did what she did. She got to Spokane. Continue Reading >>

Hate Everything!

I hate life. Jess is gone, I have no friends, I am a stupid fat loser and can’t even succeed in school. I am too serious and sincere; everything I do is laughed at. Screw you Luke, I can’t be funny all the time – screw you all. I’m not some stupid WPI guy who thinks quoting Strong Bad is the epitome of cool. I hate living here because I can’t make any real friends. Everybody hides behind their stupid hilarity, making each other laugh – well they’re all weak. Making a joke is the weak way out, it’s keeping everybody at an arm’s length. I can’t live this way much longer, never seeing my Clarkies and trying to be funny all the time. I AM NOT A FUNNY PERSON, I cannot laugh all the time. I can barely find reason to LIVE, why should I try to make you like me? I can’t, obviously, I’m too serious – I hate “funny people”! Continue Reading >>