Ostrichizing

Day’s Verse:
This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step. …He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.
1 Peter 2:21-25-ish

My heart has been hurting lately for many reasons that I won’t be getting into here, but that have kept me from posting for the last couple weeks, too. Instead of going into the depressing details, I’m going to share some really excellent Other Katie emails I’ve gotten lately.

From: Dexter Fugerson
Date: Tue, Mar 19, 2013 at 7:54 AM
Subject: Paper inventory
To:

White
2 cases ,1 white legal
Blue
1 case ,8 reams of legal
Pink
2 cases ,4 reams,0 legal
Yellow
1 case , 5 reams , 0 legal
Green
3 reams, 0 leagal

Maybe he meant to send this to Katie Fugerson? In any case, it’s handy that I know how many reams of yellow paper they have. I’m sure it’ll come in useful any day now.

From: Dexter Fugerson
Date: Thu, Mar 28, 2013 at 9:14 AM
Subject: Dexter’s resume
To: Katie Ferguson

See attached…
[Dexter Resume 2(3).docx attached]

Not sure why I’m getting Dexter’s resume; maybe he’s considering changing his career from paper-counter to something more challenging, like paper-sorter?

Several from SiriusXM:

From: SiriusXM
Date: Fri, Mar 22, 2013 at 2:29 PM
Subject: SiriusXM Requests Your Feedback
To: [me]

Dear Valued SiriusXM Customer,

On behalf of SiriusXM, we have a special opportunity for you to participate in a survey about the call you made to our Listener Care Department on 03/21/2013. SiriusXM is focused on delivering excellent customer service and therefore, would like to include your valuable opinion on how well we took care of your most recent need. The survey takes less than 5 minutes to complete.

Please take a moment to complete the survey now since this link will only be available until 12:00 noon EST on 03/25/2013.

Please click HERE to take this survey.

If the above link is not clickable, you may copy and paste or type the URL below into your browser window:
[link redacted]

Thank you for your participation.

SiriusXM Listener Care Department

From: SiriusXM
Date: Tue, Apr 2, 2013 at 4:20 AM
Subject: Email Address Confirmation Needed
To: [me]

Viewing on a mobile device? Click here to view.
If you are unable to see the message below, click here to view.

New Email Confirmation — Action Required!

You are receiving this notification because the email: [my email address] has been recently provided to SiriusXM. In order to continue receiving SiriusXM communications at this email address, including programming updates, exclusive events, special offers and more, you must click the link below.

» Click Here To Confirm Now

This email was sent to you from SiriusXM Satellite Radio. For more information on why it was sent, please visit our Corporate website at siriusxm.com/emailconfirmation.

To ensure that you continue receiving SiriusXM emails, please add us to your address book or safe list. To unsubscribe, please click here.

NOTE: Please allow up to 10 business days for your preferences to be applied. You may still receive service-related emails if the email address is associated with your subscriber account.

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Sirius XM Radio Inc.
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New York, NY 10020
www.siriusxm.com

© 2013 Sirius XM Radio Inc. Sirius, XM and all related marks and logos are trademarks of Sirius XM Radio Inc. All other marks, channel names and logos are the property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.

Two days later, I received the same email from SiriusXM, this time with the subject “Last Chance to Confirm your Email Address with SiriusXM.” Let’s hope they were serious (har har) and I won’t get any more emails from them. The thought occurs now that I should’ve done the survey and complained about getting emails from them… but this is clearly an Other Katie putting her own email address wrong into their system, so while Katie deserves a slap, SiriusXM remains (probably) blameless.

From: Jax Berrios
Date: Fri, Apr 5, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Subject: Roller Rebels on TV + 4/13 Bout info!
To: ?Robert Berrios?

Set your DVR’s we will be on TV. And et your tickets from me. Only one week left. 10 dollar tickets!!!

Also subscribe to this email for more update!!

Namaste & Blessed Be

Jax AKA WUSHU SUGAR #6 Long Island Roller Rebels

Begin forwarded message:

From: Long Island Roller Rebels Derby News
Date: April 5, 2013, 11:12:04 AM EDT
To: irish_berrios@yahoo.com
Subject: UPDATE: Roller Rebels on TV + 4/13 Bout info!
Reply-To: info@longislandrollerrebels.com

[There follows a long, incredibly fuschia-colored HTML newsletter all about the Long Island Roller Rebels, which I will not subject you to]

Jax Berrios has sent me any number of wrong emails. At first I tried to correct her, but she’s really persistent, so I just ignore all her emails about monthly dues. Presumably at some point she’ll talk to the Other Katie about her failure to pay team dues, and all will become clear. I can hope.

Also, note those little question marks next to Robert Berrios. Those are hearts. WHY are there hearts around Robert Berrios’s name? I don’t care if he’s your Siamese twin connected at the heart, no self-respecting email user would do that.

Now, the weirdest Other Katie I’ve gotten in a while, more because of how it happened than because of its content. This morning I received a Google Chat request from Christine Owen at 29prime.com. My spam radar immediately went off — seriously, 29prime? If that doesn’t sound like an online porn outlet… Besides, I don’t know any Christine Owens, and I’d never accept a chat request from a stranger — and of course I denied the chat request. Shortly thereafter I received the following Other Katie email:


From: Christine Owen <[redacted]@29prime.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Subject: Meeting at 1pm
Subject: Meeting at 1pm
To: [Me]

Hi Kattie,

Russ said he will be available to meet with you at 1pm, so just come on in.


Best Regards,

Christine Owen
Senior Executive Assistant

Work: [redacted]
Cell: [redacted, tempted as I am to post this for the entire Internet]
Email: [redacted]
Website: www.29Prime.com

I’m not joking, and don’t call me Kattie. I sincerely hope that this is Christine’s careless typo, and that no Other Katie goes around calling herself Kattie. Ouch. I’m also afraid 1 pm came and went and I totally missed the meeting; for this one, though, I had mercy and informed Christine of her mistake, so hopefully she was able to contact the Other Katie (Kattie?) more effectively the second time around.

And last but not least, it seems I’m not the only Other Katie having a bad couple weeks:

From: [Redacted]
Date: Thu, Apr 11, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Subject: [Company Name] Claims Services – 1999 Toyota Tercel settlement (claim# [redacted])
To: [me]
Cc: [Sender, redacted]

Dear Katie,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. We have determined the value of the 1999 Toyota Tercel, which was damaged beyond repair on March 26, 2013, to be $2,021.57.

Attached is an Automobile Proof of Loss form. Please complete, sign and return this document along with the signed transfer portion of your ownership. Once we receive these documents, payment will be issued.

It is mportant for your protection that you return these forms as quickly as possible. Any liability charges or expenses incurred against the vehicle remain your responsibility until the ownership is transferred.

Please contact your broker service representative at 1-800-267-6847 to discuss any coverage that may still apply to this vehicle.

If you have any questions, please call me at [redacted number].

Sincerely,
[Redacted]

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.

First of all, I’ve redacted a lot more of this stuff because it’s a bit more personal and serious, and possibly not appropriate for the Internet. Hopefully this is anonymous enough. That said: See? My life could be a lot more depressing. I could be driving a 1999 Toyota Tercel worth $2,000, and then get into an accident that totals it (I’m guessing that “totaling” in this case would mean having to replace, say, the bumper, given the value of the car). That’s seriously a bummer. I guess I should let Jason Belben know he’s barking up the wrong tree, since Katie probably doesn’t need her life to get any harder than it already is.

Also, note: This is a new Other Katie! Waterloo, Ontario. So now we’re in the US, UK, and Canada. Go Other Katies!

Other Katie Bonanza

I’ve been quite remiss in sharing the amusing Other Katie emails I continue to receive. Here are a few of the ones I’ve received lately, omitting the zillions of LivingSocial and Thirty-One emails I get. No matter how many times I unsubscribe, some dumb Other Katie keeps re-subscribing using my email address. Katie, seriously, give me a break!

Some Other Katie has the world’s worst photographer friend/relative, as I can attest from the following email:

On Mon, Nov 12, 2012 at 6:48 PM, pdr < [redacted]@mac.com> wrote:
Katie,
Here are my photos from your party. If you want any printed, let me know the size, etc.

Love, Grandma

Begin forwarded message:

From: pdr < [redacted]@mac.com>
Subject: last one
Date: 10 November, 2012 7:09:07 PM CST
To: Bob Ferguson < [redacted]@sasktel.net>

I can hardly quibble about Grandma sending an email to the wrong person, though. At least she’s trying to use the Internet, even if she’s only marginally successful. And, on the bright side, Other Katie seems to be getting out and spending time with her family, which I do approve of.

Other Katie seems to be looking for housing in Texas again:

Custer Park Apartments Prospect web site information
KATIE FERGUSON,

Dear KATIE FERGUSON,

Thank you for registering for a Resident Portal account. Resident Portal is a convenient way to take advantage of the expanded online services we offer

Sincerely,
Leasing Staff

If you already live with us, please go here Click Here
Login name * [redacted]
Password * [redacted]
* You may log into the Resident Portal by using the same user name and password for your application process.

If you have any questions please feel free to contact us at (972) 596-0908 .

3400 Custer Road Plano TX 75023 (972) 596-0908

Actually, it’s rather odd that Katie needs to rent an apartment, because back in September a real estate agent (from whom I’ve received a number of erroneous emails, and who I already tried to correct twice) forwarded me this title information email, with the PDF of the official title attached:

On Mon, Sep 24, 2012 at 9:44 AM, Shantanu Narayen wrote:

[body of email blank]
Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Liberty Title Company < [redacted]@aol.com>
Date: September 24, 2012, 11:49:53 EDT
To: Shantanu Narayen
Subject: Deed and Warranty

When you fill out the Dedd you can call me if you need any halp. Thanks, Carri

Liberty Title Company
655 W. Morse Blvd., Suite 112
Winter Park, FL 32789
Tel: 407-629-5533 Fax: 407-629-5528
Email: [redacted]@aol.com

I hope Carri is better at doing titles than she is at spelling. I’m not sanguine about that, though, since the email address is at AOL.

The next email requires a certain amount of explanation. At first I thought Katie Ferguson was looking to get a job with Hyatt, but then I realized no; Katie works for the Hyatt as an HR lackey, and she blind carbon copied herself on emails she sent out to prospective new hires. Except instead of bcc’ing herself, she carbon copied me… six different times. Which is the worst kind of Other Katie email: When Katie herself types in the wrong email address.

On Mon, Jan 7, 2013 at 4:44 PM, Human Resources


wrote:
Good Afternoon,

You are invited for an opportunity to interview on Friday, January 11, 2013 from 2:00pm – 4:30pm at Hyatt Regency La Jolla. When you arrive, you will park in the parking garage. Please go to Mykonos AB meeting room, which is located on the 2nd floor level of the hotel.

Please come dressed for success to interview with our managers. Please bring your resume. Interviews will take place on a first-come, first-serve basis, so please be advised there may be a wait.

Our dream is for you to love our company and the people you work with so much that you decide to join the ranks as part of the 75% of our associates who are promoted from within to supervisory and management levels either in our hotel or any other Hyatt hotel.

Hyatt is a place where high expectations aren’t just met, they are exceeded. It’s a place of outstanding rewards, were talent opens doors to exciting challenges in the hospitality industry. It’s a place where career opportunities are as unlimited as your imagination. Discover your place to shine in our warm, respectful, and inclusive culture.

You’re more than welcome.

Please RSVP by Wednesday, January 8th with your name and position to [redacted]@hyatt.com.

Warm Regards,

Katie Ferguson
Human Resources Manager
Hyatt Regency La Jolla
3777 La Jolla Village Drive
San Diego, CA 92122

Whoa – I just realized that this could be the same Other Katie who signed up for AdultFriendFinder and put my email in instead. It’s the right geographical region, and she does have a history of typing her own email wrong. If so, Other Katie really needs to get her head in the game, because I know way more about her work and sex life than any stranger should, and it’s entirely her fault.

Fortunately, Other Katie is in good company — or at least international company. I recently received an email from O2, a telecom in the UK, asking how I liked my wireless service. And back in October, I got yet another email in German:

2012/10/12 Andreas Klewe < [redacted]@issw.uni-heidelberg.de>
Liebe HochschulsportlerInnen,

das Wintersemester 2012/13 beginnt für den Hochschulsport am 15. Oktober und wir werden wieder vorher unsere bewährte Online-Kursanmeldung für die gebührenpflichtigen Sportkurse durchführen.

Ab diesem Semester ist für Studierende und Mitarbeiter der Universität/ PH sowie alle Nutzer mit gelbem Bedienstetensportausweis (auch Klinikum & DKFZ) ausschließlich eine bargeldlose Bezahlung mit der CampusCard des Studentenwerk Heidelbergs möglich. Bitte sorgen Sie für ein entsprechendes Guthaben auf Ihrer Karte, da wir keine Aufladestation (Kartenaufwerter) besitzen, sondern lediglich abbuchen können.

Die Online-Anmeldezeiten im WS 2012/13:
– für alle Kurse: ab Sonntag, 14. Oktober, 7.00 Uhr

Ihre Buchung muss dann innerhalb von zwei Werktagen im Hochschulsportsekretariat INF 700 bezahlt werden.
Sie benötigen:
1.) CampusCard
2.) ausgedruckte Buchungsbestätigung
3.) gültigen Studentenausweis/Bedienstetensportausweis/Gästekarte
4.) aktuelles Passbild für Kraft- und Spinningkurse.

Bitte denken Sie an ihre alten Ausweise, die verlängert werden. Dann geht es rascher.

Die Sonderöffnungszeiten des Hochschulsportsekretariats:
Montag, 15. Oktober: 10.00 – 20.00 Uhr
Dienstag bis Freitag, 16. Oktober – 19. Oktober: 17.00 – 20.00 Uhr

Während des gesamten WS: 15.Oktober 2012 – 07. Februar 2013:
Di, Mi. Do. vormittags von 10.15 – 12.15 Uhr
Mo, Do abends von 17.30 – 19.30 Uhr

Aktuelle Informationen wie Kursausfälle oder neue Sportangebote gibt es täglich auf unserer homepage: http://www.hochschulsport.uni-hd.de, über facebook („Hochschulsport Heidelberg“) und auf Twitter („Hochschulsport HD“).

Wir wünschen allen HochschulsportlerInnen ein sportliches und erfolgreiches Wintersemester 2012/13.

Matthias Wolf
Leiter Hochschulsport
Universität Heidelberg

In addition to remaining internationally connected, Other Katie finally sprang for some TV, which may mean that I’ll stop getting her Redbox receipts. (I don’t think much of her taste in movies, let me tell you!)

On Tue, Nov 27, 2012 at 5:41 PM, Order Confirmation wrote:

Your order confirmation number is : 026-5130728

You ordered:

TV – $49.95 Monthly
Install Price – $19.95 (Once)

That price seems reasonable. More reasonable than Darron Edwards Jr.’s sending me three emails in a row with InDesign files attached. Also more reasonable than another Other Katie providing Sears with the wrong email address, and then being rejected for the job(s) she applied to there.

On Mon, Dec 3, 2012 at 10:51 PM, wrote:
Dear KATHLYN,

Thank you for expressing interest in opportunities with Sears Holdings Corporation!

As you know, matching applicants with the right positions requires a unique combination of candidate experience, job requirements and timing. Your application that was active in our database has expired and while we may not have made a match for you during the time that has passed since you’ve applied, we would like to introduce you to other great companies who may be able to give you the position you seek, right now.

Sears Holdings Corporation is a founding member of AllianceQ – a partnership of leading companies collaborating to increase our ability to find the world’s top talent. It’s an easy, free and confidential service. Simply share your background and what you desire in a new job. Every day you will be automatically and anonymously considered for thousands of opportunities with other leading employers, including those current or future openings at Sears Holdings Corporation.

To join AllianceQ or for more information, visit: AllianceQ.com/shc

To review current Sears Holdings Corporation openings and to reapply directly with us, visit:
searsholdings.com/careers

Please do not reply to this email if you have questions (your reply will not be responded to), instead contact the Human Resources department at the location you applied to.

Again, thank you for your interest in Sears Holdings Corporation and we hope you will consider us for future opportunities.

Sincerely,

SHC Talent Acquisition Team
Sears Holdings Corporation

And, penultimate but not by any means least, we have the classic “coworker inadvertent email typo” series of Other Katie emails.

On Tue, Dec 11, 2012 at 2:50 PM, Thompson Cindy < [redacted]@quarrytile.com> wrote:
Katie—this is Cindy. I am writing this up for Michelle. I am including some of the new colors that will be taking over for Citrus, Mandarin and Scarlet. They might want to consider some of them. We are phasing out the old colors.
—–Original Message—–
From: Laine Michelle
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2012 2:07 PM
To: Thompson Cindy
Subject: FW: Jefferson Houston tile samples

Can you do this for me?

M
—–Original Message—–
From: Katie Ferguson Gray [mailto:[redacted].daltile@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2012 1:28 PM
To: Laine Michelle
Subject: Fwd: Jefferson Houston tile samples

Hi Michelle!

Can I get the samples below sent direct to my client?

Can you send what you can in a 3×6 but if that’s N/A you can send 2x2s or 4x4s. She would like at least one 3×6.

Please let me know. My FedEx is [redacted]. Please send 2nd Day.

Thanks!

Katie

Katie Ferguson Gray | Architectural Representative
Daltile | Southwest Region
2728 Bell St. | New Orleans, LA 70119
Phone: 504.415.3383
Fax: 504.488.3383
Mail: [redacted]@daltile.com
www.daltile.com

Begin forwarded message:

From: Brittney Everett < [redacted]@concordia.com>
Date: December 11, 2012 11:17:43 AM CST
To: Katie Ferguson Gray < [redacted].daltile@gmail.com>
Subject: Jefferson Houston tile samples

Hi Katie,

Thank you again for coming in the other week. Such a clever way to get to know the different carpet and tile options. Very fun.

So I would like to request the following samples:

-Semi-Gloss Color Trends
Totally tangerine
Citric bloom
Go Green
Electric blue
Sea breeze
Chalkboard
Plum Crazy
-Natural Hues
Sunburst
Kiwi
Mandarin
Citrus
Aegean
Regency Blue

I’m thinking of making each bathroom one of these colors, 3×6 staggered vertical subway tiles up to about 7 or 8 feet, with a light gray grout. The sink area in the bathroom is open to the hallway—no doors–so the tile will wrap around the wall out to the hallway. Just wanted to let you know what I’m thinking. These colors may end up correlating with the “grade house” colors (ie. 3rd and 4th is a gradehouse, 5th and 6th is gradehouse, etc).

If it’s easier to send 2×2 tiles since I am requesting so many, that’s fine. Would be nice to get at least one 3×6 to show the client the size though. Is it possible to get these before next Tuesday?

Thank you!

Brittney Everett
LEED AP

concordia
201 St. Charles Ave., Ste 4318 | New Orleans, LA 70170
Office | 504 262 8184 Mobile | 504 756 2270
www.concordia.com

P Think Green before printing this e-mail.

Instead of thinking green before printing the email, I figured I’d think kiwi. Or maybe Aegean, Go Green, or Sea Breeze. On the bright side, though, this Other Katie seems to have some talent towards interior design. Maybe I could get her to help out with our house.

And, last but not least, I’m happy to say that at least one of us has some personality. The following is long, but worth posting in its entirety if only for the names of the folks involved, so I’ve put most of it under the fold. Apparently, an Other Katie is a roller derby lady with Ladies of Laceration on Long Island.

On Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 8:21 AM, Jax Berrios wrote:
Question. I know dolly has attendance for Thursday. So she will get that over. So counting the rules class I should have 5.

I know I need to skate as much as possible but it’s so hard to make Saturdays and I need all the credit I can get. Thanks again

Namaste & Blessed Be

Jax

Continue reading “Other Katie Bonanza”

Other Katie: Creepy Coincidence

I’ve been reading my Other Katie emails, which have languished since Benji’s birth. One of them was an e-card, and it’s so unlikely that I took screen shots so I could share. It came from one Laurie Levin, and although I don’t know any Laurie Levins, she sent me a card that says Congratulations! on the front:

You click to open it (an annoyingly long process that involves much unnecessary animation):

And then you finally get to the note, which is where it gets really weird:

In case you can’t read it (and I’d be surprised if you could), the note says:

Katie and Eddie,
We are so so so absolutely thrilled and excited to hear your fabulous news about Baby Ferguson! Best family news since your wedding!!!!! AND enjoy your new home!!!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXO,
Aunt Laurie, Uncle Neil, Lindsey, and Abbe

How weird is that? Some Other Katie is pregnant, at almost the same time we had Benji. Other Katie emails never cease to surprise me.