This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step. …He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.
1 Peter 2:21-25-ish
My heart has been hurting lately for many reasons that I won’t be getting into here, but that have kept me from posting for the last couple weeks, too. Instead of going into the depressing details, I’m going to share some really excellent Other Katie emails I’ve gotten lately.
From: Dexter Fugerson
Date: Tue, Mar 19, 2013 at 7:54 AM
Subject: Paper inventory
2 cases ,1 white legal
1 case ,8 reams of legal
2 cases ,4 reams,0 legal
1 case , 5 reams , 0 legal
3 reams, 0 leagal
Maybe he meant to send this to Katie Fugerson? In any case, it’s handy that I know how many reams of yellow paper they have. I’m sure it’ll come in useful any day now.
From: Dexter Fugerson
Date: Thu, Mar 28, 2013 at 9:14 AM
Subject: Dexter’s resume
To: Katie Ferguson
[Dexter Resume 2(3).docx attached]
Not sure why I’m getting Dexter’s resume; maybe he’s considering changing his career from paper-counter to something more challenging, like paper-sorter?
Several from SiriusXM:
Date: Fri, Mar 22, 2013 at 2:29 PM
Subject: SiriusXM Requests Your Feedback
Dear Valued SiriusXM Customer,
On behalf of SiriusXM, we have a special opportunity for you to participate in a survey about the call you made to our Listener Care Department on 03/21/2013. SiriusXM is focused on delivering excellent customer service and therefore, would like to include your valuable opinion on how well we took care of your most recent need. The survey takes less than 5 minutes to complete.
Please take a moment to complete the survey now since this link will only be available until 12:00 noon EST on 03/25/2013.
Please click HERE to take this survey.
If the above link is not clickable, you may copy and paste or type the URL below into your browser window:
Thank you for your participation.
SiriusXM Listener Care Department
Date: Tue, Apr 2, 2013 at 4:20 AM
Subject: Email Address Confirmation Needed
Viewing on a mobile device? Click here to view.
If you are unable to see the message below, click here to view.
New Email Confirmation — Action Required!
You are receiving this notification because the email: [my email address] has been recently provided to SiriusXM. In order to continue receiving SiriusXM communications at this email address, including programming updates, exclusive events, special offers and more, you must click the link below.
» Click Here To Confirm Now
This email was sent to you from SiriusXM Satellite Radio. For more information on why it was sent, please visit our Corporate website at siriusxm.com/emailconfirmation.
To ensure that you continue receiving SiriusXM emails, please add us to your address book or safe list. To unsubscribe, please click here.
NOTE: Please allow up to 10 business days for your preferences to be applied. You may still receive service-related emails if the email address is associated with your subscriber account.
Have you moved or changed your billing information? Please take a minute now to update your account information.
Sirius XM Radio Inc.
1221 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
© 2013 Sirius XM Radio Inc. Sirius, XM and all related marks and logos are trademarks of Sirius XM Radio Inc. All other marks, channel names and logos are the property of their respective owners. All rights reserved.
Two days later, I received the same email from SiriusXM, this time with the subject “Last Chance to Confirm your Email Address with SiriusXM.” Let’s hope they were serious (har har) and I won’t get any more emails from them. The thought occurs now that I should’ve done the survey and complained about getting emails from them… but this is clearly an Other Katie putting her own email address wrong into their system, so while Katie deserves a slap, SiriusXM remains (probably) blameless.
From: Jax Berrios
Date: Fri, Apr 5, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Subject: Roller Rebels on TV + 4/13 Bout info!
To: ?Robert Berrios?
Set your DVR’s we will be on TV. And et your tickets from me. Only one week left. 10 dollar tickets!!!
Also subscribe to this email for more update!!
Namaste & Blessed Be
Jax AKA WUSHU SUGAR #6 Long Island Roller Rebels
Begin forwarded message:
From: Long Island Roller Rebels Derby News
Date: April 5, 2013, 11:12:04 AM EDT
Subject: UPDATE: Roller Rebels on TV + 4/13 Bout info!
[There follows a long, incredibly fuschia-colored HTML newsletter all about the Long Island Roller Rebels, which I will not subject you to]
Jax Berrios has sent me any number of wrong emails. At first I tried to correct her, but she’s really persistent, so I just ignore all her emails about monthly dues. Presumably at some point she’ll talk to the Other Katie about her failure to pay team dues, and all will become clear. I can hope.
Also, note those little question marks next to Robert Berrios. Those are hearts. WHY are there hearts around Robert Berrios’s name? I don’t care if he’s your Siamese twin connected at the heart, no self-respecting email user would do that.
Now, the weirdest Other Katie I’ve gotten in a while, more because of how it happened than because of its content. This morning I received a Google Chat request from Christine Owen at 29prime.com. My spam radar immediately went off — seriously, 29prime? If that doesn’t sound like an online porn outlet… Besides, I don’t know any Christine Owens, and I’d never accept a chat request from a stranger — and of course I denied the chat request. Shortly thereafter I received the following Other Katie email:
From: Christine Owen <[redacted]@29prime.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Subject: Meeting at 1pm
Subject: Meeting at 1pm
Russ said he will be available to meet with you at 1pm, so just come on in.
Senior Executive Assistant
Cell: [redacted, tempted as I am to post this for the entire Internet]
I’m not joking, and don’t call me Kattie. I sincerely hope that this is Christine’s careless typo, and that no Other Katie goes around calling herself Kattie. Ouch. I’m also afraid 1 pm came and went and I totally missed the meeting; for this one, though, I had mercy and informed Christine of her mistake, so hopefully she was able to contact the Other Katie (Kattie?) more effectively the second time around.
And last but not least, it seems I’m not the only Other Katie having a bad couple weeks:
Date: Thu, Apr 11, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Subject: [Company Name] Claims Services – 1999 Toyota Tercel settlement (claim# [redacted])
Cc: [Sender, redacted]
Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. We have determined the value of the 1999 Toyota Tercel, which was damaged beyond repair on March 26, 2013, to be $2,021.57.
Attached is an Automobile Proof of Loss form. Please complete, sign and return this document along with the signed transfer portion of your ownership. Once we receive these documents, payment will be issued.
It is mportant for your protection that you return these forms as quickly as possible. Any liability charges or expenses incurred against the vehicle remain your responsibility until the ownership is transferred.
Please contact your broker service representative at 1-800-267-6847 to discuss any coverage that may still apply to this vehicle.
If you have any questions, please call me at [redacted number].
Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
First of all, I’ve redacted a lot more of this stuff because it’s a bit more personal and serious, and possibly not appropriate for the Internet. Hopefully this is anonymous enough. That said: See? My life could be a lot more depressing. I could be driving a 1999 Toyota Tercel worth $2,000, and then get into an accident that totals it (I’m guessing that “totaling” in this case would mean having to replace, say, the bumper, given the value of the car). That’s seriously a bummer. I guess I should let Jason Belben know he’s barking up the wrong tree, since Katie probably doesn’t need her life to get any harder than it already is.
Also, note: This is a new Other Katie! Waterloo, Ontario. So now we’re in the US, UK, and Canada. Go Other Katies!