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Day’s Verse:

“The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:9-10

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Oh, the frustration of not having any personal relationships with professors! I can’t find somebody to fill out my Medtronic scholarship recommendation: I took it to my advisor, and she said “I don’t know you well enough to really fill this out,” and then proceeded to put lots of question marks next to boxes. This app reminds me how disappointingly inadequate my entire life is. Trying to list “all” my jobs and volunteer activities over the last four years is easy because I have only had two jobs and haven’t volunteered at all since I got into college. What kind of schmuck am I, reading books and playing on the computer instead of busting my butt to save the world? Anyway I’ve asked another professor, my Marine Bio prof from last semester, and she said she’d be willing to do that for me. We’ll see how all this works out.

Analytical Reasoning: not bad at all. The professor looks professorish but doesn’t have any particularly annoying or noticeable mannerisms and her syllabus is one side of one page. Straightforward class: read one chapter a week (handily enough there are 14 chapters and 14 weeks in a semester), do the assignments posted on Blackboard, and take a quiz on Friday. Don’t miss class, don’t be a slacker, take the quizzes, participate in discussions, and you’ll do just fine. The class looks alright; there’s a Barbie-esque girl in there which makes me wonder how she ever got into Clark at all. Also, there’s a girl named Caitlyn and another named Colleen – odd that my sister-in-law and sister’s names would both come up in a class of only 30 or so. I bought the textbook at the Clark bookstore for $26.00, a complete rip-off for such a thin, lightweight book. Synopsis: not a bad class at all, but nothing particularly exciting either.

Afterwards I went to have SunHee Kim Gertz, my academic advisor, fill out a recommendation form for me. When I got there, however, she informed me that she didn’t feel particularly capable of answering these questions, and didn’t I have some other professor that I could ask? My answer: NO! I haven’t had the same professor for more than a semester, and I’ve taken so many different classes that I haven’t been able to form any relationships with people. Drat and darn! At least in high school I knew the teachers and they knew me. All Professor Gertz could say was that I had a 3.75 GPA and that meant I was probably a good student. Thanks, Prof. Gertz. It’s not her fault; this whole process, as I mentioned earlier, just serves to remind me how few people I know and how little good I actually do with my life. The question is, will this bother me enough to get me motivated and doing stuff? And is that even a good motivation to “do good things” -just so I can write them on job and scholarship applications? No, no, a thousand times NO. Doing good for others should be from the heart, springing from the desire to help people less fortunate than ourselves, not out of some selfish desire to pad one’s résumé.

I got a package from Deborah today, though she’s actually in New Zealand with my family-in-law for a couple weeks. It contained a book called God’s Promises for Women. It’s a collection of Bible verses sorted by situation, and I think it will prove helpful in the future. I’m going to start including, at the beginning of my posts, a verse that echoes my day’s experiences; I anticipate for a while here I will be quoting often from the “God Walks with Women Through Heartache” section, which will be good for me. As Deborah wrote me in a letter, “it is so essential to be reading, absorbing and internalizing God’s word.” Clearly, one major way to change my attitude is to inundate myself in God’s words and to focus when I’m spiralling down not on myself and how awful life is but on listening to the truth that He is trying, ever so quietly, to tell me. I will have lots of time to pray and study the Bible this semester; after all, one can only study English for so long.

– KF –


45 days to Ian

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