“Your light will break forth like the dawn… your recovery will speedily spring forth.”
Title credits to Wordsworth’s Prelude, Book 1; if only he’d followed his own advice… (link is to a severly abridged version)
Today I listened to a sermon on fasting, but most of it slid right by me. The idea of giving up food to focus on God – I know it means something to many people, but how should an anorexic-minded persoon fast? If giving up food is a pleasure in an of itself, not a means of focusing your mind on God, that defeats the purpose. Although, in fact, fasting doesn’t just mean food; really the goal is to give up a practice that separates you from God. Fasting is seeking God through disciplining the body and thus submitting the spirit to God’s will. I think that the real idea isn’t focused on food, though food is a prevalent thing that controlls people. It controls anorexics, too, because that’s all you can think about – NOT eating it. It’s impossible to focus on God when you cannot stop thinking of a certain topic. I’m not sure how somebody like me would fast: maybe give up the computer for a day, because it’s not necessary every single day and I know it’s a distraction.
He talked about family as a distraction, and I know that is true. It’s easy to not think about how dependent I am on God when I live happily with Ian. I think that’s how it is when you have a strong group of non-Christian friends too: it’s easy to feel content because your needs for love are being somewhat filled. When things start being stripped away it’s like God forcing you to fast. He’s saying “You need to refocus your life on Me, your flesh needs to submit to My Spirit within you. I am taking your crutches away so you see that you need Me.” The hard part is submitting to that involuntary fasting.
Ian showed me some of his cool GIS maps. This one is of population density on some very tiny scale, while this one is the unemployment rate on that really tiny scale too. Ian made these! Neat stuff, and he’s enjoying himself it seems, so this trip to London is seeming to be a good thing… Except on us emotionally, of course, and on our eyes because we spend so much time talking online to each other. My heart hurts all the time.
A miracle has occurred: I have no more homework to do. Not strictly true because I can always work ahead, and actually I have some essays I would like to start on, but everything that’s due Monday and Tuesday I believe is complete. Now if only I didn’t feel like I ought to be doing something… Wordsworth’s Prelude, Books 1 and 14, here I come!
– KF –
34 days to my husband.