Day’s Verse:

“Who of you by being worried can add a single hour to your life? So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matt. 6:27, 34


A quick question: what is it about not having access to food that makes it so much more appealing? In the apartment I consistently go four to six hours without eating or thinking of eating, but as soon as I get to Clark my stomach demands filling. Maybe it’s the same phenomena that makes me appreciate Ian more when he’s gone than when we comfortably live together.

I’ve been thinking more and more about music, namely taking music I haven’t paid for. Yes, I think the RIAA is probably scalping people and their suing just makes everything worse; I also think that CD’s are priced too high. Alternatives have begun coming out that price music reasonably, notably Apple’s iTunes (if you won’t pay $0.99 for a song, you don’t really want it). It’s easy to try to justify taking music you haven’t paid for – or software for that matter – when you feel like you’re being stolen from, and when it’s a “clean” act. You don’t walk out of a store with an un-paid-for CD or box of Microsoft XP; it’s a simple matter of going to the right place online, clicking the magical link, and you have what you want. With Kazaa Lite you can easily find and download the music you want as long as a couple other people have it. So easy it almost doesn’t feel wrong! But I’ve been looking at it straight in the eye and am realizing that those eyes are the same ones staring at thieves. To put it bluntly, taking music you haven’t paid for is stealing just as much as walking into a store and taking the CD without paying for it. Stealing is wrong, and in my life there is a disconnect because of this. Striving to do the moral thing in every part of my life, I consistently behave immorally by listening to stolen music. Oh, it doesn’t seem very bad, but the more I think about it the more I realize it’s something that needs to be changed in my life if I want to live consistently.

What action will I take? That’s harder, because I really enjoy the songs I listen to – maybe I even enjoy them enough to pay $0.99 for them.

In other news: I’ve felt lethargic all day, tired of Clark and being in the lab. Jos’s boyfriend Francis made a fool of me today, pretending to be her online when I didn’t know; I can’t decide if I feel angry at him or just disgusted at such immaturity. It’s great to get a laugh at somebody when they don’t realize they’re being mocked, isn’t it? Too much mockery goes on between us all for anybody’s well-being. Every time I talk to Fuffle he tries to make me feel like scum, and I can’t quite figure out why: maybe because it makes him feel happier. I don’t have instant recall, and maybe I haven’t thought as deeply as he about some things, but I am still a thoughtful human being undeserving of the mockery I seem to meet constantly. At least I’m not mocked by myself or by Ian (who is, in the end, part of me now), and I know securely that God created me not as garbage but as a wonderful creature destined to praise Him. So mock away, if it makes you happy; it will hurt me, yes, but can’t break me.

– KF –


1 week 1 day (180 hours)

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