For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good; but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.
Mark 9:49 – 50
Am I unfair to feel a curl of revulsion when I think of the people I am leaving behind at Clark? The people who said they would be my friends regardless, that moving off campus and marriage would not rip a black hole between us? My stomach clenches when I read their words and they sign off “bye hun,” as if I could be a “hun” after communication ceased between us months ago. The falseness tastes like bile in my mouth. I apologise if this sounded bitter, but I honestly cannot sort out how I ought to feel towards these people. Christ calls us to love, but what does that mean? Feel love, or act lovingly? Where do the two separate, the emotion and the action? That which is inside comes out, I suppose, so I have to let go of the frustration, disappointment, and anger at what appears to be the betrayal of promised hopes. They are just people trying to live like anybody else. What am I, a pathetic commuter worm, to them when money needs earning and schoolwork needs doing and friends need hanging out with?
Leaving in two years, what do I need enduring friendships for? When we get home I will have the opportunity to make new bonds and leave these four years behind. If I botched one fresh start in Worcester, I simply need to try again in Seattle again.
I may have a prospective IQP project, taking place next E term. It focuses on renewable energy resources, and sounds quite interesting to me, though one on Bioethics sounds better. I will wait for a few days to see if I hear back from the professor advising the Bioethics IQP, but by Tuesday I will get back to the Alternative Energy project because an E-term IQP is exactly what I want. Classes at WPI look rough, as I have to fit 30 into 27 spaces; I would feel much better having one major project squirreled away.
If anybody has the time, I would appreciate comments on my final paper, written for Major British Writers II comparing poems by Wordsworth and Tennyson. I believe it is one of my best yet.
– KF –