According to my calendar, today is something called “election day.” Somehow I thought this day would never come, that we’d be trapped in a hurricane of political rhetoric for all eternity. I trust this means freedom from the oppression of robocalls, a mailbox no longer stuffed with mudslinging fliers, and a curcease to the media’s nonstop political coverage. Here’s how I feel about politics at this point:

Zzzzzz. Not even interested anymore – which is amazing, because I’ve find this season most entertaining.

Here’s another amazing thing:

This is a check for $5.69, from – get this – our health insurance company. I didn’t know this was even possible, that the universe could continue to exist with this kind of mind-bending discontinuity extant. But there it is and here we are. Astonishing.

Lastly and most weirdly:

Benji: Mommy, mommy, what are those carrots doing?
Me: I’ll explain when you’re older, son.