What I need, not what I want

You know what’s strange? Coming to grips with losing biking as I’ve known it for the last 15+ years feels almost exactly the same as a breakup. Maybe grief is just grief.

As I’m processing through this, I have to accept that I’m not ready to be done with being a performance athlete. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my biking buddies. I’m not ready to lose the stability of a routine I’ve maintained in essentially the same form for nearly all my adult life.

Not ready, but able. I can live a happy, fulfilled, joyful, active, healthy life without biking and all its routines. Continue Reading >>

On the edge

For more than 15 years, I’ve ridden my bike. It started as a practical move to avoid buying a second car, but over time evolved into more than a hobby; it became a passion, a cornerstone of my identity. For me, bicycling has been a port in the storm, a refuge and relief, a way to meditate and dwell in the present moment and let go of the future, a mental health coping mechanism. It was community, friendship, connection, a regular group of people who I came to know and care about. It was freedom and joy and as close to flying as I could get. Continue Reading >>


When I started working again in 2017, I established a new exercise routine that I’ve carried on through the pandemic and everything. It worked well for us, the way things were.

But with this huge life change, I’m changing how I exercise, too: more flexible and less compelled. Hopefully healthier overall — if not quite as physically fast or trim, maybe more healthier thinking around exercise and fitness.

I got to practice this on Tuesday. I’d originally intended to go for a bike ride while Mom picked Benji up from school, but stuff happened and Mom couldn’t do it. So I needed to pick Benji up, leaving my apartment at 3:20. That’s okay! I can be flexible about this! Continue Reading >>

Bike crash update: much better

In the eight days since my bike crash, I think every injury has taken a turn hurting the most. One day it was my face; the next, my left knuckles, which have huge gouges out of them; the next, my right calf; etc. 

But through it all, one area has hurt the most consistently: my jaw. When I hit the ground with my face, something happened to my jaw, and since then opening and closing it has hurt excruciatingly. Chewing anything proved nigh impossible for the first few days after the crash; even opening my mouth at all involved excruciating jaw pain. Continue Reading >>

Crash update: my hideous face, and other improvements

I thought it would be fun, in the sense of “oh my gosh that’s a little horrifying,” to track the evolution of my face as I recover from my crash.

Before we get there, a quick update: I feel decent. Different areas hurt at different times, but with nothing worse than a lot of scrapes, I expect to be able to get back to normal activity fairly soon. Sleeping is difficult because I normally sleep with my face in a pillow. (Also, it’s smoky and hot; our house is about 85 degrees inside.) Continue Reading >>

Choices and consequences

Yesterday dad and I had a lovely ride around Mercer Island. After we split up, I thought I’d do a few extra miles, so I headed east down 124th towards the Sammamish River Trail. But for some reason when I got to the bottom of the hill at the intersection with Willows Road, I thought a red light was green and I proceeded at speed into the intersection. I realized my mistake too late to stop, although I locked up my brakes and did the best I could to steer away from the pickup truck that loomed enormously ahead of me like a vast wall. Continue Reading >>

Mt. Rainier Ride 2021

Lately all the roads within 25 miles of my house bore me to tears. I keep riding them, because what’re you gonna do? but I’ve been fantasizing about riding somewhere else. Hence the Mt. St. Helens ride. But I also organized a group to ride Mt. Rainier today. This ride mirrored a ride we did last year, basically the only group ride of 2020.

On the Mt. St. Helens ride, my ride buddy and I went fast. With just the two of us, we had very few stops, and those we had went quick. I worked hard, suffered, and snagged QOMs. That kind of ride has its charms and satisfactions, no question. Continue Reading >>